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How do I get my 3 year old to listen?

My son is nearly 3 years old. He is soooo MEAN!!! He absolutely refuses to listen. If we tell him to stop doing something, or put something down, come to us etc.... he does the complete opposite out of defiance on purpose. He also gets into everything. I have to keep all doors shut and locked to every room of the house besides his room and whatever room I am in. Spankings and time outs have NOT worked. What else can I do?? I am at my wits end!!!

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Asked by jamiesmom1 at 12:34 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • when you figure this out let me know too! sometimes my son really gets on my nerves!!!!

    Answer by angevil53 at 12:37 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • i suggest reading the book "Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control".
    it's really helped me out with my defiant and challenging child.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:37 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Ip ut my kids on the wall, yes it took practice, time and patience to get them to understand what that meant, we would walk them over to the wall and tell them to face the wall and put there hands down on there side and stand there with them...(at a distance) to make sure they were looking at the wall and not playing. if they fell to the floor we would pick them up and stuff, I thik it got reallyt bad a couple of times were we had to spank them because they would completly disregard the wall and fall to the floor but then they began to understand, my oldest was taught this first because shes 2 years older then my youngest daughter but my youngest would observe and then got the jist of the wall and sometimes shed stand on a wall when my oldest was on the wall. I htink she thought it was a game or something.

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:40 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • What kind of spankings are you administering? Are you telling him one time what you want and spanking immediately or do you threaten or count or tell him a second or third time? I say it once. If obedience is not immediate, I spank with a small flyswatter either on a bare leg or the bare behind just hard enough to make it sting. If he is not feeling the sting of his own disobedience, it will not work. I then say that I love the child too much to allow such disrespectful behavior, and we move on. If you have a strong-willed child, it could take several spankings a day in the beginning for him to understand that you mean business. You will have to experiment with just what it takes to get his attention and make him know that you mean business. Done consistently, you should have a changed little boy in a matter of a few short weeks. It won't happen overnight. Consistency is key.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:44 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I wish there wasan answer!!!!!! I have the same problem with mine it's definatley a challenge and makes u feel hopeless.... Ive noticed with mine though the more patient and calm I stay the better the outcome!!! Unless they're doing something that could harm them.... but.. as soon as I raise my voice and she knows what she's doing is upsetting me she feeds off that!!! I started reading this book that was referenced in the book "Toddler 411"....its called "Becoming the parent you want to be" by L. Davis I absolutly LOVE it and read it evey chance I get it really gives a good perspective from the childs eyes and really gets to the point...It's a magnificent book and has really opened my eyes!!!

    Answer by mommy3567 at 12:48 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Be persistent... when ours won't go to time out by himself, we add a minute every time he refuses to sit (we have a time-out stair). He's gotten all the way up to 15 minutes one time, but we stuck to it, and he sat there for 15 minutes (no playing, no talking). The more persistent you are, the less persistent they get. Strictly enforce it too! If ours gets up , his time starts over. If he talks, he gets two warnings then an additional minute added on. If he plays with something, he gets a warning to put it away and if he doesn't, I take the toy and add another minute. Time also doesn't start if he's throwing a tantrum, it starts when he calms down. In addition to time-outs, we make sure we reward good behavior with positive things... when he does really well at gymnastics and is a good listener, he gets to go out to eat. If we have a good day at home, we go swimming, etc. Be patient, and remain calm.

    Answer by trebelcleff at 12:56 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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