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question for you mommas that were raised without your father in the picture

my daughters dad isnt in the picture anymore, which is fine for me, but hard for her, and she doesnt talk to me about it very much, shes 6yrs old, he has only been SOMEWHAT involved for the past 2.5 yrs, so i was just wondering what kind of thoughts did you have growing up? did it bother you? did you know why he wasnt there? how did it make you feel? was there anything anyone could have said to help you deal with it better? do you think you were better off without him? im just trying to understand where my daughter is coming from, because it seems like it doesnt bother her, but then once in a while she'll look so sad, and it kills me! :( any input?

 
alexis_06

Asked by alexis_06 at 12:38 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 42 (146,031 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • i think you should always tell your daughter how beautiful she is and how much you love her. I think thats where my problems came from. I never had anyone in my family telling me i was beautiful or smart. Nobody even said they loved each other. You should just tell her these things so she doesnt go searching for them from some boy. As long as you are telling her she is beautiful and smart and you love her..she wont need to hear it from anyone else.. JMO.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I was adopted at the age of 9, prior to that I lived with my mother. I never knew my father.
    My children were adopted by both my husband and me. He died a couple of years ago, so now they are also being raised without a father.
    For me, honesty is absolutely the most important thing. Simple plain honesty.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 12:44 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Well, it's a long story and way too much to type here. If you'd like to know about my story, just send me a message.
    NOLAmommaKRYS

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 12:40 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Overall, it did not bother me that my father wasn't around. I've never really liked him much. Even as a baby.

    Yes i knew why he wasn't around. My bio father is a registered SO and a deadbeat dad too.

    It pissed me off more then anything. I was not happy to have his last name.

    If my mom would have changed my last name i would have been much happier. But she didn't. She didn't even know i had issues with it.

    yes, i think i was better of without him.

    But, as you can see, i'm a minority. Most children don't have fathers who are registered SOs.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:42 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would let her know that it is okay to ask you questions about her father, and that all the feelings that she might be having are ok and normal. My mom never ever spoke about my father unless it was negative - "you must have gotten your allergies from your father." I never felt comfortable asking her anything about him because of it. She is still angry and bitter about the divorce (and I'm 42! they split when I was a year.)

    The only real positive comment about him I have gotten is that he had light colored eyes and she wanted a kid with light eyes.

    You can go up to her and pull her onto your lap in a hug and just tell her that you love her and if she has questions or thoughts about daddy, you will be as honest as you can. And tell her that he does love her, but he just doesn't know to show it. That it is sad, but it is he who is missing out on the best little girl in the world.
    balagan_imma

    Answer by balagan_imma at 12:45 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I grew up a foster kid, from the age of 5 to the age of 18. It was hard on both ends, not having a father but especially not having a mother, to be completely honest growing up I didn't miss my dad as much as I missed my mom and the other kids in foster care didn't rally mention there dads either it was mostly there moms. Being a girl I think I would have gone to my mom more for advice and stuff. People would ask me about my dad but I would just say I don't know where he is or he's in jail. I think the most important thing is to just give her everything she needs. I know alot of people who have children but the father is not involved and there kids are doing great, some don't mention the dad, just make sure you don't keep allowing him back in her life cause that'll prob be what could make things worce. I'm sorry your baby's dad is a piece of crap and I'm sure your doing the best you can to raise your daughter. GL.
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:46 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • As a child, it was difficult... But looking back, I know it was more than what was best! Today, I haven't spoke to him in years... My mother keeps trying to push us together, but frankly he's not worth my time and I don't want him near my kids... It will get easier for you both! Just be there for her & let her know she's loved...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:47 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I didn't grow up with my dad; in fact either of my parents. I did know why my dad left me; to make a better living but I wasn't part of those plans. I saw my dad again at age 15 and since then our relationship is non existent. We are from 2 different worlds, as much as it makes me sad to say this...yes my life is better without him. I don't think that there's anything my dad couldn't given me that I have gotten myself or found myself. It's sad for my kids because they know of him but have never met him. My dad is an alcoholic, definitely not anyone I would want my kids around but I don't wish him bad at all. My oldest bio's dad is not around either; by his choice. My son asks questions sometimes, my hubby is is father but he knows his bio's dad exist somewhere out there, he thinks his life has turned out for the better without him there. My hubby is a great father to him, I couldn't agree more!

    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:02 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • My dad died when I was almost 6 yrs old... It didn't bother me growing up. but now that I'm an adult I get resentful of those who still have dad's plus those who ignore their dad's really irritate me...... my girl's dad had left the picture ages ago.
    I would say it is better to have a father deceased then it is to have them alive and be ignored.
    My girls have self esteem problems and relationship issues, respect issues with their step father.
    I have tried telling my girls positive things about their dad and have not bashed him...He has shown he is a loser all on his own.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 1:03 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Do you have any pictures of her father...I would show her anything that involed him as a starting point for conversation...then I would tell her some positive things about him...reason being...she has his genes....she doesn't want to look at herself as part of someone you despise....also...don't transfer your bad opinion on to her...it should not be her burden....if it's possible for her to meet him without it being harmful to her..let her meet him...lastly....be truthful as to why you are not together.
    Gaily.Daily

    Answer by Gaily.Daily at 1:08 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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