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I need advice on my marriage.....

I have been with my DH for 5 yrs and married for 2 1/2 of those years. I am not sure if it is a phase I am going through or what and it scares the crap out of me. I do not think I have the same feelings for him anymore. I keep having this feeling that it's time to move on and that I want something different. I am not having a desire for other men, I just dont want to be married anymore. We dont have sex but maybe once or twice a month, we dont cuddle, we dont kiss or anything. Basically, i guess you can say we are friends living in the same household with occasional benefits. We do not have children together and we do not own anything together. We both do have one child from a previous marriage but the other parents are not in the picture. I am afraid of hurting him but then I think sometimes he feels the same way and scared to say anthing to me. Any advice, any one been in this situation and what should I do. Thanks.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Sounds like you been married for a while. See here is the thing no one has told you. This is one of those phases that marriage goes through. I was married for about 2-4 years and felt like I was married to my brother. Just co-habiting. Marriages are up and down and some times just boring. Seriously who tells us these things?: NO one.
    Try this.. Reconnecting with your man. Go out on a date, talk and flirt a little bit. You may have to go through the motions. Yeah that is what it takes sometimes. If you can not afford a date, hold his hand. Just get a little closer. Move closer at a t.v. movie, stay in the room when he is watching a game. You have to take the time to make it work.
    Trust me there are not a plethora of great men out there. If your guy is good and you love him then try to work through this time.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:10 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like yall need some sort of vacation. Love does come in phases... just because you are out of love at the moment doesn't mean the fire can't be re-lite so to speak. Even if yall could get away and see a movie/eat and rent a hotel room to just be alone. I wouldn't just walk away because you aren't in "love" at the moment.

    Answer by MKSers at 12:53 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Communicate your feelings to him and he might open up about his, honesty is always a good policy and maybe you will find out he feels the same. Take it from there, maybe between the two of you, you can up with a solution for both.

    Answer by older at 12:49 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • have you tried to tell him how you feel?

    Answer by Nicole010207 at 12:49 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • maybe its time for you guys to bring back the spark or atleast try, if it doesn't work then maybe you can consider seperating at that time. I have been with hubby for 7 years and have been married for a little over a year and yes we'vebeen through the dry spells too but we make it a point to go out to dinner or go out on walks, we have 4 children pregnant with baby #5. We just find time to make for ourselfs, like playing cards or watching funny videos together on youtube anything that will bring us together, I love my husband sooo much and yes I have felt like that before but once we got things going between us again I realized that no matter what I love him but things we're just dry. Marriage is hard, I don't think you should give up just yet.

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:53 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Marriage will hit a few bumps, it has only been a few years. Think about the people who have been married decades, they have too felt the same and they seek help and guidance from therapy, pastors,friends, need to find out why you feel the way you.
    I have been with my husband for 7 yrs and the first 5 I felt it was a big mistake! but now that we are both trying it has really turned things around.
    You can't give up this soon, your marriage is still in it's infancy...

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 12:53 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • That's a tuff one but yet a simple one.... I believe as women we all deserve to be happy. Life is so short unfortunatley and we should fill our lives with only the things that keep us happy...(which is easier said than done....) I feel you should really think of your feelings and listen to your heart and your womanly instinct .I'm sure we all as women and men have those feelings but I truly feel if u truly have deep love for someone you either both make it work and if it becomes a job you ether seek help to stay or do a favor for both of you's and go your seperate ways....BUT....JUST GO WITH YOUR HEART IT NEVER FAILS US!!!

    Answer by mommy3567 at 12:55 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • every relationship goes through cycles. it's easy to start taking someone for granted and getting comfortable letting things just roll on without putting too much thought or effort in them. you can find a way to rekindle your romance. there's nothing wrong either with taking some time to focus on more stuff just for you - it doesn't always have to be about the marriage. if you are happier in life in general, relationships are more stimulating and easier to be in. try to take some time to remember the reasons you got together and why you chose to get married. naturally things have changed somewhat, but they always do. i have days where i feel like marriage is more effort than i feel like giving, and so on those days, i just let myself be okay with that and do my thing... overall when i step back and try to imagine not being married, i know i would miss my husband like crazy, even the days he drives me nuts or we're not as close

    Answer by figaro8895 at 12:55 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You have to ask yourself, do you want to save this marriage? Is he a good man? Does he love you? The feeling of being twitterpated has worn off and now you are settling into a married life. If you need or want to spice up the bedroom, then do it. Figure out what you want and need and take the initiative and do it. Make it work. He sounds like a keeper to me. It is never easy. Marriage takes work. There is a lot more to life than sex, but that can always be worked on. I've been guilty of it myself. I get comfortable and let things slide by. Be really careful, take your time to make this decision. I'd talk to him but I wouldn't tell him you are considering leaving unless it is completely over. I'd even go see a counselor on my own first before throwing in the towel. Good guys are hard to find. If you have one, keep him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • But the reality is. We are all human. We do not just "know" how much we are appreciated, desired, wanted, loved, etc. We have a need to be shown those things through action. So, after a few years, when those actions aren't happening as much as they used to. Couples start to drift apart. They become disconnected. They "love" and "romance" (etc) part of the relationship fades, but the "friendship/partnership" part remains. That's why many experience the "feeling like roommates" issue.

    To combat that. To bring back that "love". You have to actively work together to do so, but it can be done.. A couple needs to remember what brought them together to start with. A couple needs to remember that they were a couple (man-woman) in love, before they were anything else (mom/dad-husband/wife) and they need to embrace that and relish in it. They need to woo, romance, actively love and show love to one another.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:39 PM on Jul. 26, 2010