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Ever feel that no matter which way you want to go..you still lose something in the end?

I have such a hard time listening to my emotions. My head and my heart are in such a constant conflict that I don't know which one to listen to and how untangle these emotions and figure out which path is the right one to go. You see I have a real longing to go home back to NJ, but I live here in TX, but if I decide to pack up and go..I leave my SO behind because he has made it abudently clear he does not want to move there. I have friends and family that I miss dearly and I am afraid that my son is missing out on knowing his family. My SO mother lives in VA, which is not that far of a drive from NJ so even she doesn't get to see him. Buy the issue I have is that my SO has a daughter from a previous relationship and that is the reason we moved back to TX in the first place. But his ex wont let him see her because she is that much of a bitch......Continued.....

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Cappy1979

Asked by Cappy1979 at 1:42 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (110 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • He is working on getting a lawyer so he can do everything the legal way, but we have been here for two years and I haven't seen him do much, But maybe he is and he just doesn't tell me about it. Idk, But how do I decide what to do? I love my SO with all of my heart and I want to marry him. We have been together for almost five years and he is still hesitant on wanting to marry me. I also have our 19 month old son to consider because I don't want to take him away from his daddy. But how can I be happy too, without being totally selfish about it?
    Cappy1979

    Comment by Cappy1979 (original poster) at 1:47 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Life is all about decisions ... and it's not easy. The only thing to do is to weigh the options and make the best choice you can.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 2:01 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You would think that he would have done all the legal stuff before he moved y'all to Texas! I think if you are not happy then how can you help make your family happy? Personally, I'd go home and tell him to figure things out and let me know if he wants to get married and be a family or not. If not, then you have your friends and family for support. He can go home with you and still pay his attorney. It might take years before he gets to see his dd. Meanwhile he's cheating you and his son. That's not right of him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:03 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You're on the right track to want it all, and not know, it's not easy, like she says above.

    I think having it all is great, but is it good or real>???

    Can't you just have it set up so the one child gets visits from the father with a public place first?? Then gradually do something else like stayovers, and move on to possibly a week. Sorry it's just a thought. Good luck
    coffeeyum

    Answer by coffeeyum at 2:05 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • you've been together five years and have a child over a year and a half later... and he is not sure whether or not he needs to marry you. the reason you supposedly moved to texas is not very valid considering he's not seeing his daughter and not doing anything about it (he would tell you...). so... it sounds to me like the reason he refuses to move is that (a) he's lazy and (b) he's not really committed to your relationship. i moved to texas to be close to family that moved here for my daughter's sake and really we don't spend all that much time with them. i hate it here (the weather, landscape, politics, etc.) and i miss my friends back home. all my husband's family is here and he is willing to move anywhere i want. geography doesn't make you happy, but it sounds like you are missing out on alot that could change with that. as for your daughter, what is best for her is a happy mama - he can put forth effort and see her.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like your home sick. If you can not afford to go home call and talk to your family. If you are living with a man who is planning on marring you then go for it. If he is not going to marry you then move on.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Everyone can give you all the advice and tell you what to do only you fully know what you want to do for your family GOOD LUCK
    Truelove77

    Answer by Truelove77 at 1:18 PM on Aug. 5, 2010

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