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Torn about nudie bar

I've been seeing a guy for almost 6 months now and things have been really great. We have talked about our sexual pasts and I don't really like the fact that he was kinda a slut. He has stories about naked girls running around on his boat, using whipped cream in dirty ways, a picture book of girls flashing, and he's a serial kisser. Now I know that past is just that and he claims he's ready for a real relationship. I made it clear, while I'm not a prude, some of that behavior is unacceptable to me. A few nights ago he went with his friends to a topless bar. Him and I have talked about those kinds of things and he knows while I don't mind them in general, I don't think a guy needs to go for no reason. I know I've got self-esteem issues cuz I just don't look like those girls, but I'm seriously pissed. Then I have to drag it out of him, he got a lap dance! Do I even have a right to be mad about all this?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Did you tell him that you didn't want him to go? Did he understand why?

    IMO, if you as a couple are ok with them that's fine but if one of you has an issue with them, neither one should go without the other. Strip clubs are for singles or people that are very secure in their relationships. If a mate has an issue and you go to them, then it's disrespectful of the other one.

    I don't have an issue with my man going to one but did with my ex-dh. My SO, I have no trust issues and I know that he wouldn't have women touching him because his body is MY property. In the same aspect, my body is HIS property. We are reserved for each other's touch only.

    I would be mad that he didn't take me cause I want to party, have fun and see tits too. I wasn't like this with my ex...he gave me insecurity issues and trust issues.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:12 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • no matter what else is good in the relationship, you two have different values when it comes to sexuality. this is obviously something he enjoys and is still part of his life (even if he's not necessarily sleeping with the women). my suggestion is just move on and find someone you are more compatible with. it's not about who's right or wrong or prudish or slutty or anything like that. this is just how you are and how he is and it's going to be something that creates constant problems - you don't need that - there are other guys out there, including those who don't feel the need to ogle naked women all the time. if that's what you want and need, don't apologize for it, just don't try to go against your feelings and values.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:11 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would move on, obviously you are not comfortable with his man slut past. It isn't fair to either of you to stay in a relationship when you would be worried about his actions and it isn't fair to him because those things are part of his past, he can't change them now.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:12 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I'd be mad. Especially if he's came clean about everything he's done.. all things dirty, I mean. Some things need to be kept at a down low.. why would anyone who respected you want to be seen as a dirty man hoe? I don't get it. How can you trust someone like that? I used to have no problem with my hubby going to a strip club, UNTIL I saw what lap dances entail (I live in Las Vegas, we have them on every corner) and it's unacceptable. Why would he WANT to go anyways, you guys are DATING!! He should want to see YOU naked.. I've been married for six years and my hubby has never WANTED to go.. and when he does, we go together. Maybe you should rethink your relationship.

    Answer by XxCherryBombxX at 2:12 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You have every right to be mad, he knew this was not acceptable to you. My advice to you is if you can't tolerate this type of behavior it is best to end this relationship now because he is not about to change.

    Answer by older at 2:13 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You probably don't have a right to be mad, but you do have a right and a responsibility to look at all this stuff and see that he is a dude with really weak character and not someone with whom you will ever be able to build a life with. I would simply tell him that he and I don't have enough convictions in common for this to be a workable relationship, and I would exit stage left. He is not the kind of guy who is ever going to be satisfied with just one woman, and I personally would not give him the time of day, much less my heart or anything else. There are too many fish in the sea to not just throw this one back into the cesspool in which he enjoys living.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:28 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You do if you made it clear that you're not ok with this behavior.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:11 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Accept him as is or don't. It's up to you but he won't change who he is.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:14 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • You need to break it off before you get any more wrapped up with this guy. You two have a totally different set of morals and values. That will not change. Usually a woman "settles" for a man with different values when she's insecure. You deserve a relationship with a man who shares your morals and beliefs. This type of difference is just going to get worse as your relationship progresses.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 2:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I'm going to say this bluntly but the guy's not gonna change. Granted he may not be having whipped cream boat parties anymore but his attitude towards is and enjoyment for those types of things are not going to change. If you're not super serious yet and you haven't 100% fully agreed on what is and what is not acceptable you can't be upset when he does things he's used to doing. If he doesn't agree to stop and you don't agree to accept his ways it's probably best to get over it before it gets too complicated. If there's one thing I learned about relationships you either accept him or forget him. You can't change him, and you can't live being pissed off at him for being him.

    Answer by jessicarae787 at 2:15 PM on Jul. 26, 2010