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my daugter will not ask for help, suggestions please?

my 5 year old daughter will not ask for help. if she needs something then she will stare at you until you do what she wants like tie her shoes or some times even give her more food. after a few minutes if she hasn't gotten what she wants, she will start crying. she had no problems with talking. sometimes she will start crying and i will not know anything was wrong. she is starting kindergarden in a month and i want her to stop doing this before she starts. i don't help her unless she asks for it mst of the time, but she still does this almost every time and has since she learned to talk.

 
happy-go-lucky

Asked by happy-go-lucky at 4:04 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,357 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • I have a really low tolerance for crying. Basically, the rule has been (unless they're genuinely hurt) that they can go cry in their rooms and when they want to discuss the issue, they can come out.

    The next time she starts crying over this, tell her, "You didn't ask for help. I don't respond to crying and I can't read your mind. When you're ready to use your words and ask for what you need, you can come out."

    Don't get mad or upset. Just state the facts and send her to her room. When she asks, comply with a big, happy smile and thank her for communicating.

    Hope that helps!
    SusanTheWriter

    Answer by SusanTheWriter at 4:11 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Don't do what she needs unless she asks. She'll learn that she needs to be responsible for getting her own "needs" met.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 4:06 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Just one idea..........Do some role playing with her and make it fun.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:06 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • it sounds like to me that she is afraid of rejection. i remember when i was little i stopped asking for help because someone told me that i asked stupid questions. so then i started to just figure things out on my own. so i would ask her if someone has made her feel stupid or dumb, or has called her those names?
    Tanisha709

    Answer by Tanisha709 at 4:07 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • no name calling except for being told not to act like a baby when she sitsand cry rather than asking for help, and if she didn't want at ask me she could ask one of her older brother most of the time, and they are always happy to help her. it has gotten worse since the new baby was born, so it might be conexted to that. i just dont wanted her to have a hard time in school because she will not ask for anything.
    happy-go-lucky

    Comment by happy-go-lucky (original poster) at 4:16 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Sheesh maybe she is 5. I d k why she is like this. Maybe she needs more time with her mom? Talk to her read a book, kiss and love her. Perhaps you could ask her? She is not a two year old. Try asking her when she is not crying. My daughter used to do stuff like that some kids have a hard time getting stuff out.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:28 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Usually a child makes this face when they are about to cry if they are upset. If you think she is going to start crying why not start the conversation off with asking her a question. By initiating a conversation, you can find out what she is thinking beforehand. For example, if you think she wants more food, and doesn't ask for it. I would ask or say, I see you have finished such and such food on your plate. Do you want me to give you some more? I've done that with my own kids. They will say they don't or yes give them more please.
    CafeMochaMom1

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 4:45 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • thanks for the suggestions.
    happy-go-lucky

    Comment by happy-go-lucky (original poster) at 4:45 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • Tell her she is now a big girl and that she must tell you what she wants or needs or she will not get it.
    Like if she wants more food, a cookie what ever. Make her tell you and do not let her crying bother you and don't give in. She will learn very fast.
    SassyDee01963

    Answer by SassyDee01963 at 6:42 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I think you might have nailed it when you said it has gotten worse since the new baby came. She sees the baby getting his/her needs met by crying. She may need some more one on one with you and DH like suggested by PP, hugs and kisses, plus praise when she does things right. . Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:23 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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