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3 Bumps

If you had an adult daughter.....

Who found out the child she was carrying had died inside her when she was 34 weeks into the pregnancy,would you go be with her for the "birth",or would you tell her that you couldn't handle seeing that happen and stay home? My Mom flat out refused to be with me when we lost our baby girl in 2000.She didn't even come up to see me while I was in the hospital.She never sent flowers,gave me a card,visited me,asked if she could help out in any way,because she claims it was all too traumatic for her to handle. i figured if this happened to my child,you'd have to fight me off with a stick to get me to go home!

 
butterflyblue19

Asked by butterflyblue19 at 4:54 PM on Jul. 26, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 50 (383,297 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I would be right beside of her holding her hand
    DeeMarie87

    Answer by DeeMarie87 at 4:56 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would go with her, no matter how horrible it was for me. I'd put my daughter before myself. I know my mom would think the same way I do. I'm sorry you went through that not only with the baby, but without your mom. :(
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 4:56 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I am so sorry to hear what your Mom put you through. She definately should have been there for you no matter what. She is your parent and you needed her to be there, what a let down. I hope you can find peace with this. tsk tsk on her.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 4:57 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would be right by her side. So sorry you went through this.
    ldsdragonmom

    Answer by ldsdragonmom at 4:58 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would go and be with my dd. Some people have more tolerance than others..some people ar ejust weak. Your mom sounds weak. You have to suck it up and be there for those you love in happiness and when they are in pain. WOW is all I can say!!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:58 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • i would be there. i would go see her before and stay until i knew she was ok. that sounds like my mom though. she tries to hide from things she doesnt like, she tries to ignore everything unpleasant. and in the long run it always makes things worse, but it's just the way she is. i love my mom but she has hurt my feelings several times.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 4:58 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • group hugi would be right there too.... so sorry for your loss!!!!

    firstimemomm603

    Answer by firstimemomm603 at 4:58 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I'm sorry your Mom felt that she couldn't put aside her own feeling to be there to support you. As a parent I haven't dealt with this. As an adult child, sort of. Not exactly the same thing. My second son had a congentital heart defect. We knew this before he was born. He had surgery right after birth but we still needed a transplant. My son lived 21 days. My Mom 'couldn't handle all that'. I needed her to watch our oldest if nothing else, but she wouldn't even do that. It has permantly damaged our relationship. It isn't as if we don't talk...but there is a wall she put there that may never come down.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 5:00 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I would be with her. I always put my own fears aside for my children..
    youngmm

    Answer by youngmm at 5:00 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

  • I am so sorry you went through that at all... let alone without the support you felt you needed from your own mother.

    Unfortulately there is no instruction book for how to handle grief or basket case family members. Clearly your mother took something, that although very sad for her, was devestating for you. A better person would have held themselves together to be there for the person that needed the most support... but not everyone is strong enough to do that.

    Your post says this happened in 2000; I am not sure why it is coming up for you now but my guess would be that you have not forgiven your mom or are still angry with her. If you have it in you and you believe she loves you, then forgive her and pitty her weakness. You know now, that when all the chips are down... your mom will NOT be strong enough to help you... so you need to have others in your support system that can.
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 5:00 PM on Jul. 26, 2010

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