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Was I right to deliver the message but not the messenger when I found out my Besties Hubby was cheating on her?

I found out through a 3rd party that my oldest friends husband had been cheating on her for over a year and that even her children 5yo & 3mos had met and been around the other woman! The person swore me to secrecy (its a very accurate source who does not want to get involved) but I could not keep something like that from Her but I promised I would not reveal my informants identity.. as it turns out my friend already knew about the affair but now keeps pressuring me for the identity of my source, I never go back on my word specially in this case where its obviously not going to help any.. she is still with her husband (who is still cheating) but now she wont speak to me and has told a few other close frinds that I am fake and not to be trusted!!! i am pretty sure that I did the right thing? No?


Asked by SkylerJsMommy at 8:20 PM on Oct. 2, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • I think you did the right thing. But that's the consequence sometimes, you do the right thing and you get punished. It's not your fault and I'm sorry you lost your oldest friend. But she clearly has no self-respect. Once she realizes that she is making the biggest mistake of her life and leaves that jerk then she'll be comin back to you for help. Don't give up your source, you'll lose two friends. And it really does not matter. The only reason she wants to know who told you is because she is mad that people are finding out, and she's completley embarrassed. She wants to tell your informant to stop telling people. She doesn't want anyone to know. I lost a friend cuz I told her her BF was cheating, but I'd do it again, because I would want to be told. I'd be MAD if my best friend knew that and didn't tell me.

    Answer by feesharose at 9:17 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I told a friend once that her husband was cheating...I turned out to be the bad guy. Never, ever again. If they find out it won't be from me. I can't even count how many other times I've heard other women say the same thing.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 8:23 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Unfortunately that's how it usually ends up. You are the bad guy because she can't face that fact that her life is a sham. The next time you find out a friends husband is cheating, keep it to yourself and let her find out or deal with it herself. Common sense tells you to let your friend know so that she can toss the bum out on his ass, but what ends up happening is that the woman doesn't want to get rid of him for whatever the reason is, she would rather be ignorant to what is going on and she's angry that you spoke the words out loud. Sorry that your friend is treating you like its your fault, but that's what weak women do in that situation.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:29 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Stay away from the drama or they will mix you in mama. Been there.In fact , the slut had the nerve to knock on my door and tell me that my name was used when they called the cops on each other. Wife and g who were neighbors. What nerve. To involve innocent people so they can have more drama with the cops. Karma came to kick her butt cuz she got busted ,divorced and had to move....................What goes around comes around...................

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Stay out of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • You did the right thing in my opionion. You were her friend and acted as her friend. If she kicks you to the curb, that is her choice and it sucks. Maybe someday she will be able to deal with reality. In any event I believe a true friend should tell regardless of the results.

    Answer by Allie428 at 8:54 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • This is a no-win situation, unfortunately. If you HADN'T told her, and she found out you knew, she'd be pissed. Personally, I think you did the right thing, but sadly, she doesn't appreciate your friendship in that way.

    I've been in situations (when I was younger -- in my 20's) where my friends' boyfriends would hit on me and I knew better than to tell my friends. I didn't want to cause any drama or be involved with it. I just kept a real good distance from the guys.

    Answer by NovaChk at 9:02 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • Unfortunately, no matter how great of friends you are, they almost always side with the husband... Its very hard to hear that your husband is cheating, and that will be associated with you now. It will be hard for her to forgive him anyways, but hearing it from you probably will sting a little more. I am sorry that you are in this situation at all. Sometimes wives know, and make peace with it. Its hard, but this kind of thing should be kept to yourself. Its so easy for me to say this because I am not in the situation. Good luck!

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 9:10 PM on Oct. 2, 2008

  • I agree w/ grneyedgrandma. I've been in the same situation b4 n told my gf. I to ended up being the bad guy, so I learned my lesson. It soesn't always pay to do what we think (@ the time) is the right thing!!!!!!!

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:36 PM on Oct. 2, 2008