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How do I get my husband to help me take care of our kids?

I have three kids and my husband doesn't feed them, give them baths, or change their diapers. He talks about how great it is to be a dad and all I can think is how mad I am because he doesn't take care of them! Are there any tricks to get him to help?


Asked by arkansasmom1985 at 12:53 AM on Jul. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Plan a weekend away by yourself, even if it kills you, and let him see how hard it is to take care of kids, house, him, for 24 hours a day. I did that when mine were 2 and 4. I came home to a mess, all diapers almost gone from too much juice because that's all they wanted, and my husband with a doctors appointment because his back seized up from stress! It worked for awhile so I made it a point to leave once a year and slowly added days to my time off.

    Answer by josts at 1:58 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • hit him in the face with a frying pan, make sure it's freshly off the stove

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:55 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Have you asked him? Men can't read our minds. I learned that. When I finally asked my hubby for help he started helping a little.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:00 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • agree with above. I do 99 percent of things but we dont live together. and he puts it out there that he doesnt want to be a dad. sooooooo uhh yea. cook some eggs and then while that frying pan is still hot introduce it to the side of ur husbands head

    Answer by MoMoFu at 12:58 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • give up - if he hasn't helped by now, you're not going to change him. If I didnt' know better I'd swear you were talking about my dh! I have three kids and he was more involved with the first one, but by the time #3 came along - I can probably count on my fingers how many diapers he has two years! He used to brag about changing his diapers in the hospital - until I told people that was the ONLY dirty diaper he changed!! he seemed to think that he did his duty cuz he changed his diapers in the NICU cuz I wasn't able to be apparently that meant he didn't have to change anymore for the next 3 years. My dh says he loves being a dad too, but when it comes down to it, he doesn't really help. Love him to pieces, but he's NO help. Have you tried just talking to him and not waiting til you're so angry? Worked for me for a little while, but not long...good luck mama!

    Answer by mama2000_1 at 1:04 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Thank you you guys. I guess I should just talk to him about it. I know that seems common sense but I wish he would just do it without me having to ask him. My old psych teacher once mentioned a way to change people without asking them to do things.

    Comment by arkansasmom1985 (original poster) at 1:12 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I just ask my husband when I want him to do something. My daughter's high chair sits at the "head" of the table and we sit across from each other so there is no excuse that he can't help feed her.

    Answer by Christina807 at 10:44 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Sometimes I think men don't realize that they need to take charge and be hands-on. When our 1st was born my hubs was very hesitant about doing diapers and such as he felt that since I had more experience with babies I could do it better than he could. I sat him down and talked to him and told him 'babies don't break' and that we both made this child, so we both need to get off our butts and take care of him. By the time #3 came along my hubs was a 'pro' at being hands on dad-- changing diapers, giving bottles, and giving baths. I do find that if I want him to do something specific (like give the kids a bath) I have to tell him, because he does not think of it himself. I usually say something like "tonight is bath night" and then he is clued in that I want them to have baths and he will take over and make sure it is done.

    Answer by MizLee at 11:23 AM on Jul. 27, 2010