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What to tell him.

My SO's son loves to spend time with me. The last time he came to visit I had to run errands and he got really upset. He's 8 and his parents are not legally divorced yet but he wants me to marry his dad. He's told me repeatedly that his dad is happy with me and when we are all together he has a family not like when he's with his mom cuz she's getting meaner and she's started drinking and smoking and all she does is yell and cry. He wants his dad and I to get married so he can come live with us and not her. However there is no way my SO can get legal custody unless we get married and I agree to be a full time mother. I'm only 20 and not sure I'm ready for marriage but I'm not worried about being a mother to him at all. What do I tell him. He is legally old enough to petition the court and say where he wants to live. I'm a law student so I know his wishes will probably be honored, but what do I tell him about marrying his dad

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Asked by MizzGidget at 1:16 AM on Jul. 27, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (11 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Why would you have to be married for your boyfriend to get custody? the single mother has custody and if you guys can proove that he is better off in your home then the judge will take that into mind

    Answer by CuriousWife84 at 1:21 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Because of my boyfriends work schedule and the fact that he is also in the national guard and is deployable.

    Comment by MizzGidget (original poster) at 1:24 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Wow, this is so screwed up that I don't even know how to respond.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:30 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • You have to be honest with him in ways he can understand. Let him know that you love having him at your house and if he comes to stay that would make you very happy, but that is a very different thing than getting married. In his 8 yr old simplistic view, you marrying his dad would make all his problems go away. But he would still have his mom in his life. She wouldn't go away just because his dad remarried. You sound like the most stable person in his life -- dad being at work or deployed, mom being what she is -- and he is trying to make sure you stick around. He needs counseling from a professional so he can process all the upheaval in a healthy way. He's lucky to have such a caring person as you in his life.

    Answer by RedRowan at 11:02 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Why would you have to stay at home full time? Doesn't he go to school? Can you guys get a sitter when needed?

    Answer by psych_mom at 1:37 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

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