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loss of interest? adult content

what can i do? i love my dh and feel sexually attracted to him, just whenever we make love it's just not enjoyable for me. i don't feel any pleasure in it and i don't know why! he does turn me on, but ever since we had our ds, who is now 4 months, it's either pain full or pleasureless. we've tried the female erousal gel, i had an allergic reaction to it. tried four-play to warm up. he wants sex everyday, and i just don't enjoy it enough to do it that much. i'm tired from work, and just want to relax. but even when i am "in the mood" i just can't "get it" i don't know what's wrong with me! any advice?!


Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on Jul. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • have you talked to him about this. . .it is perfectly normal for your sex drive to alter after having a baby. . .is it your first baby? Also talk to you Dr. it could be simply hormones. . .
    "It's normal to have a decreased sex drive after giving birth. This feeling can last for months. In one study of postpartum women, 20 percent had little or no desire for sex three months after delivery, and another 21 percent had a complete loss of desire or aversion to sexual activity."

    Answer by Kirs at 1:53 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • My advice would be to talk to your dr. It could be any number of things from physical to hormonal to emotional, etc. Definitely talk with the doc if you are experiencing pain.

    Answer by erin7420 at 1:50 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • listen, you just had a baby. you are barely past your post-partum period. he needs to back off a bit and give you time to heal, physicly and emotionaly from everything you have been thru. you are tired and need time for yourself.
    (((((BIG HIGS)))))

    Answer by Preggydyke at 1:53 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • it can go on longer than 3 months mind you. . .every woman is different and apparently you can have postpartum up to 8 years after having your baby. . . your body is an emotional wreck and hormones are running haywire. Talk to you DH and your Dr. See if you can talk to the Dr. together so he understands what is going on.

    Answer by Kirs at 1:55 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • It took me a long time after having my kids to get those feelings back, it's like my body just wasn't working right, I remember when my son was like 4 or 5 months all of my sudden a lightbulb turned on and I had my body back, it was fabulous. It's just hormones. Also if you're breastfeeding that can be a big factor too, it lowers your drive. I think it just takes time, he's going to have to respect that. You'll both have to give a little until things return to normal, don't be too hard on yourself.

    Answer by AshleyBDG at 1:55 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I don't know. If you figure it out, let me know! :-D LOL

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 1:51 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I agree with Erin7420. Good luck.

    Answer by theutilitarian at 1:52 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Might help to remind him to do simple things like bring you flowers, call in the middle of the day and say "I love you" call to let you know he's bringing home dinner, even if it's McDonalds, and he's decided what to bring instead of asking you what you want. Sometimes the little things are what turns our minds back to wanting our husbands again. But definatly tell him specifically what it is you want from him.....before you get to the bedroom.

    Answer by josts at 2:07 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Lots of love, hugs, kisses, changing the baby, feeding the baby, taking the trash out, cuddling without expectation, all that to say sometimes we just need to feel loved outside of the bedroom before we make love in the bedroom. For me, when I see my man changing the baby, or fixing me lunch or showing love in some kind generous way it turns me on! So talk to him. Even all that wont put you in the mood so sometimes making love isn't about you its just about him, as long as its not painful for you and he knows that intercourse will get back to normal someday soon, there is so much more than just intercourse.

    Answer by cynthiaesquivel at 4:47 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • It is very likely that you are vitamin and mineral deficient after having the baby. Vitamins B6, B12 and C and the minerals iron, magnesium and zinc all contribute to mood and sexual response, and 70% of women find that they become deficient in these exact vitamins and minerals as a result of pregnancy, which is why so many women experience a loss of sexual function during the post-partum period. You can go and have a vitamin and mineral panel drawn if you want to confirm deficiency, but if you can't afford that, try enhancing your diet with dark green leafy vegetables (B12 and iron), red, yellow and orange peppers (B6, magnesium, Vitamin C) and nuts and seeds (zinc). Rebuilding your vitamin and mineral stores will take a few months of proper nutrition, but it's so worth it because not only can doing this help your sexual function, it also helps PMS symptoms.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:30 AM on Jul. 27, 2010