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I feel like I live in the shadow of his ex wife

His wife left him for another man 4 years ago. He met me the following year. We dated and then married 2 years later. He's told me he would have never left her. When we dated, he told me things like he wasn't really in love with her and was better off they ended it. However, lately, little things he'll say like "we had a good marriage" and in a photo album tonight he was glancing through from when they were young "I was in love with her" he said looking at a romantic picture of her.

We've been married a year now and we get along well. But I'm wondering now if I'm just a second class replacement and she is the real love of his life who bore his children that betrayed him. How am I supposed to get over this feeling and be happily married? I love him but wonder if I love him more than he loves me. Has anyone felt this way when they are the second wife?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 AM on Jul. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Oh sweetie... have you talked to him about this?

    Answer by SpiritedTigress at 2:39 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Ask your husband what is going on. You are feeling badly and you are still just a newly wed. Talk it out with him.

    It maybe be that he thinks telling you that he wouldn't have left her will give you (and him) security that he would never leave you. It says something about what marriage means to him more than it says anything about her.

    As far as the picture galary... those need to go. Sorry, but no reason for you husband to be going over photos of them unless the their kids are asking questions "did you love mommy?" Photos of the Ex can be in a box in the garage somewhere, but no reason to be doting over them.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 2:44 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I do think that it shows someething about a man the way he loved before you. My husband truly loved his ex. There were times I could tell during the first few years of our relationship. But after 14 years now I know that he loves me just as much even more. It sounds to me like he has a good heart and loves fully. That is a good thing. He may always have a connection with her due to kids but in time her memory will fade as you replace them with new memories.

    Answer by bjane01 at 3:31 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • It will take time hang in there

    Answer by mamaofficer at 10:40 AM on Jul. 27, 2010

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