Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

DID I HANDLE THIS DECENTLY?

WE HAD A NEPHEW (AGE 14)STEAL ITEMS FROM US..TODAY WAS THE FIRST TIME I HAD A CHANCE TO CONFRONT HIM, SO I WALKED UP TO THIS BOY AND TOLD HIM THAT I WAS VERY UPSET AT HIM FOR STEALING FROM US. I ASKED HIM IF WE EVER DID ANYTHING TO HIM TO RECIEVE SUCH A LACK OF RESPECT FROM HIM AND HE STATED NO. I THEN EXPLAINED TO HIM THAT I LOVED HIM BUT DIDN'T LIKE HIM AND THAT HE WAS NO LONGER WELCOMED IN OUR HOME. I CONTINUED BY LETTING HIM KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE TIMES AT FAMILY GATHERING THAT WE WILL HAVE TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND THAT I APPROACHED HIM BEFORE THAT TIME COMES, AS AT GATHERS WERE NOT A TIME TO STIR THINGS UP. I ALSO HAD MY HUSBAND AND A BROTHER IN LAW WITH ME TO WITTNESS WHAT I SAID TO THE BOY AS HE HAS A BAD HABIT OF LYING AND I DIDN'T WANT MY WORDS SWITCHED ON ME. EVEN THOUGH MY HANDS WERE SHAKING WITH ANGER I DID NOT YELL OR USE BAD LANGUAGE WHEN CONFRONTING HIM.

 
DOVE5397

Asked by DOVE5397 at 5:50 AM on Jun. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I am wondering where the consequences are? In life, when we break the rules/laws, there are consequences. Telling him that you love him, but dislike his actions is a great place to start, but if there is no consequence, there is no active lesson learned. If you got stopped by the cops, and they told you that they were disappointed, and sent you on your way, you would be less likely to learn a lesson as you would be if you got a ticket.
    It is solely my opinion, obviously, but I think that he needs to pay restitution or do chores in your yard or SOMETHING to pay your family back for what he stole.
    DeylansMama

    Answer by DeylansMama at 1:24 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Yes I think you did exactly the right thing.. have you thought of taking it a step further and the 3 of you making his parent's aware of what he is doing. If everyone of you have witnessed him stealing from your home, his parent's really should know. If it were my kid I would want to know so that I could deal handle it with my child.... just a thought
    BreakingFree

    Answer by BreakingFree at 6:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Wow!!!...what a hard thing to do. Tough love is sometimes what it takes. Hopefully he will take this as a lesson and change his ways.
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 8:14 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I'm not sur ethat I would have said I didn't like him, whether or not you had said you loved him. Personally, I would have gone into how disappointed I was and that trust is a very important thing in ANY relationship, and how it's something that will have to be earned back. If you guys are ever going to have a normal relationship, you'll have to give him opportunities to earn it back.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 8:58 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I think you did the right thing.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 9:03 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Yes, I think you handled it well. It's a difficult situation and having the witness' with you was good. I experienced something similar, but it wasn't family members.
    DeannaScraps

    Answer by DeannaScraps at 10:08 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Excellent, but what is he going to do about the items he stole? Is brother in law his Dad? I think that needs to be addressed to.
    ToldUNo

    Answer by ToldUNo at 10:30 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I would have said I didn't like (nor would I tolerate) his unacceptable behavior but not that I didn't like him. I would have also held him responsible for what he did and told him I expected my things back or replacement items or he could work off the value of what he stole. I would have also told him that he couldn't come back inside my home until he proved himself. Everyone screws up. We can't just throw ppl/kids away bc they screw up. we have to teach them to be responsible for their actions. You basically allowed him to get away with what he did with no repercussions other than not being able to come back. I would have at least given him the chance to learn from his mistake and offered him the chance to redeem himself. You didn't do bad. It just could have been more effective but this way maybe he will ask for your forgiveness and attempt to make up for what he did on his own.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:39 AM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • i believe that when you deal with a minor you should have the parents as a witness as well. Otherwise you did the right thing. It takes guts to confront people, especially family.
    Queentdi

    Answer by Queentdi at 2:36 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • I think you handled it well although since he's only 14 i'm sure he felt ambushed. I think that he has to understand that you know what he's done and so do others. Maybe him feeling that way is a good thing. Just keep in mind that he can change as he gets older and i hope that your relationship can get better over the years.
    kinzleysmommy

    Answer by kinzleysmommy at 11:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN