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Am I being selfish?

My daughter has turned 15 in June now she is rushing me to pay for her permit lessons and test...what she doesn't understand is that I feel as if I let her have her driving lessons she is one less step close to being free from me! am I being selfish? She does baby sits and eventuallywill pay for herself and she is a wonderful kid I just have the anxiety that she is growing up and is not my baby any longer....now she says we are friends...I don't want to be her friend I want to be her mommy, her hero...I know, I know I am wrong but what can I do?

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BoricuaMom2teen

Asked by BoricuaMom2teen at 1:06 PM on Jul. 27, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (90 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Yes.. a little bit. Every kid has to grow up. Be thankful that you are here to see it..♥
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:07 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • If your daughter hasn't given you any reasons why she doesn't deserve to drive, then yes, I think you are being selfish... Honestly, I can't wait til my kids start to drive! SOO tired of being a taxi!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:08 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Yes, you are --and I believe you know it, or you wouldn't have asked the question. Stopping her from growing up is a very poor reason to say no to anything, for two reasons: 1. you can't stop her from growing up, and 2. you're giving her a lot of ground to rebel on, which will not make your family peaceful or happy.

    The only way you can retain your 'hero' status in your daughter's eyes is to give her a catastrophic head injury. Without one, she will continue to grow, develop the ability to see complexity and objectively outside her own limited experience, and you will become a whole, flawed, normal person in her eyes.

    That might sound bad to you now, but it is only from there that you can develop a truly adult relationship with your adult child. Infantilizing her will push her away and degrade her respect for you. It is only from seeing you as a whole person that she can develop genuine appreciation for who you are.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:13 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Your daughter is growing up, don't treat her like a little kid. You are being selfish, if you want adopt another child so you can start over.
    MrsMoneyPenny

    Answer by MrsMoneyPenny at 1:13 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Yes, but I can see why.

    Let your butterfly grow, just be sure she promises you lunch on certain days...
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 1:13 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • You are suffering from early empty nest syndrome. It is perfectly natural for you to want to keep your daughter at home with you where you can watch over her and take care of her, but the inevitability is that every bird must leave the nest at some point. Of course, she will still be your baby - she will always be your baby and though it may seem as though she doesn't need you, she will turn back to you for help when she grows up emotionally. Let her take the driving lessons - it is a sort of rite of passage for someone her age. She will be fine if you are.
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 1:14 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Maybe a little, but it is important to make her earn things she wants as well. If she pays for it herself you are teaching her responsibility...
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 1:15 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • You are, but it's totally understandable. Best of luck! :)
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 1:16 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I can promise you that she will always "need" you in one way or another. I am 29 years old and I still need my mum. It's just that the things I need her for now are much different then the things I needed her for as a kid.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 1:16 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Let her have the freedom she can handle. To insure a lifelong relationship you need to treat her with respect and let her go so she will want to be with you. I have 3 adult sons. We homeschooled and homeschooled kids mature quicker and are more responsible, in general. As teens I let them do things at different ages. My middle son was very responsible. When he was 16 I let him drive 3 hours from our house to IU to spend a week with his brother in the dorm. My rule with him was "don't do anything that could involve the police or the ER." He never did.


    She may need more rules if she has done stupid stuff. Make sure she knows everything about getting pregnant and birth control. Foam with condoms boosts effectiveness up to 99%. Show her where to buy condoms and foam and tell her its ok for the girl to buy it. Kids have sex.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 1:25 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

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