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2 Bumps

Step parent adoption

I have three daughters with my ex husband, he was activly involved until the oldest was 10 or so. we had our youngest daughter while we separated (longstory), he has never really played an active part in her life but she does know that he is her father, ony our oldest daughter maintains contact with him. I have since remarried and my husband would like to adopt my youngest as they have formed a bond and he says he wants her to have the type of father she deserves. I am not sure as worried how my youngest will feel when she is old enough to understand why she was allowed to be adopted by bf when older sisters werent, (again, all have same father), I am scared it will cause her to be hurt by her bf being he gave her up but not her sisters. Any ideas if the positive outweigh the negative?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Jul. 27, 2010 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • My stepdad adopted me when I was 14. He had been my dad since I was 4 and I hadn't seen or heard from sperm donor since I was 4. I was going into high school & had to use my legal last name (I had been using stepdad's). My mom had to get sperm donor's permission & he not only agreed, he offered to pay for it!! Even though I wanted the adoption, I felt so unwanted when he did that. He was so anxious to get rid of me, he paid for it. Just beware there are a lot of emotions involved. I'd wait until she was older & could decide for herself. He can still be a father even if he doesn't officially adopt her.
    Ashlynnsmommy07

    Answer by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 8:50 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Ask her if she wants him to or wait until you can get her opinion and permission.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 5:05 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Your ex will have to give up his parental rights before your daughter can be adopted by anyone else, and that might get tricky since he visits with the older girls. I think doing something like this will effect all of your daughters in some way, so it would be a good idea to talk to all of them and see what they think.

    My ex-husband lost his parental rights before I remarried, and I changed my daughter's last name to my maiden name. My husband is my oldest daughter's step-dad, but really the only dad she knows. Before we decided to have more children my husband asked my daughter if she would like to be adopted and take his last name. She said no because she liked the last name she had, and the legal part of it really didn't matter to her. She had the option, but she liked things the way they were.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 5:33 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I am not really sure how she would feel, but I think you have to make sure that HER feelings are what you use to make this decision, not HIS. He is a grown man and obviously a great one since he has stepped into the dad role. But if you think it might make her or her siblings feel strange, then I think new hubby needs to back off and just be a great dad without the official title. At least for a while. Congrats on your terrific man!
    getrealmama

    Answer by getrealmama at 5:09 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Personally, I wouldn't do it unless & until she could have input. Your DH is obviously a stand-up guy, but it's more than possession or relation (I don't mean that in a bad way, just that the only thing that will change is who her DAD is on a piece of paper. She will not need a piece of paper to know what a true dad is. He's giving her that now. I might feel differently about it if it were all the kids, but I understand why it's not. Your DH is step-dad to all the kids. The kids are siblings. You are about to fragment the family tree. Your siblings will then be half-siblings only related by a bio mother. There are a lot of legalities involved.

    Try to get your DH to hold off. It might mean a whole lot more if & when she chooses him when she can.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:51 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Regardless of whether your bf officially adopts this is going to be an issue anyway.

    I think that its probably a positive thing because when she realises that her biological father is in contact with her siblings but not her, at least she will know that someone loved her enough to want to adopt and be confirmed her father and be part of her life.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:10 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • My boys are both step parent adopted, I adopted my hubby's son and he adopted mine. I think I would leave it up to her since, she has older siblings that are still in touch with the BF. My boys both have siblings that were given up for adoption by their birth parents. You can ask BF to give up his parental rights, that way if you die your daughter can go to your husband. It doesn't sound like BF has a relationship with the youngest child anyway.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:47 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I think a pp had a point about what happens to your children if something happens to you. Also, adoption doesn't mean that the child cannot have contact with the parent giving up the rights, it just severs the legal obligations.
    happytexasCM

    Answer by happytexasCM at 12:17 PM on Jul. 29, 2010