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2 Bumps

Going through a custody issue with ex!

My ex, the father of my daughter told me to get out if I wasn't interested in his rules. He threatened to call DFS on me if I took our daughter to my moms so I got out and left her with him. He is not working and she is not in a daycare so he said he would watch her while I worked. I work Tue. - Fri. from 9 am to 6 pm and to save us money he watches her and tells me we get her every other day. I pick her up after I get off work on my days and take her back before I go to work. I have to see him everyday. I have not talked to a lawyer yet and I'm being told by the people in my life to just keep her and make him fight for her. I raised her for 3 years, would get off work pick her up from the daycare and feed her, bath her and spend time with her, put her to bed while he did whatever he wanted to do. Now he is throwing it in my face that he is feeding her and taking care of her. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Jul. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • Get a lawyer and go to court.
    NOLAmommaKRYS

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 6:03 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I agree with previous post. That's ridicoulous how he is treating you.
    Momofboys22

    Answer by Momofboys22 at 6:05 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • If you trust your ex to look after your daughter then keep the arrangement while you get a lawyer and go to court.

    Otherwise I would take her to your mothers. He doesn't sound like a nice person if he is willing to threaten you with DFS and it would make me anxious if he was with my daughter. But you know him and you know what is best your child..so go with that and everything else will fall into place.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 6:07 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Go to court. I believe a child that age needs a stable home, not back and forth every other day crap. Go to court and fight for primary custody. You don't have to withhold her from him, but bear in mind that since he is her father, he can also withhold her from you if he gets the urge, until you have a custody order in place. He sounds very control. Screw his "rules"...he doesn't get to just determine that you have her every other day. You and the legal system also have a say in that. And don't let him wiggle out of c/s just because he doesn't have a job. He needs to find a job and help support his child. How is he affording a place to stay with her and food to feed her if he doesn't work? He is manipulating a lot of people, sister, not least of all you. It's time to take back control over your life...stop letting him control you by dangling your daughter. Go to court and get it set in stone.
    ohbladi

    Answer by ohbladi at 6:11 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • He treats me like a child and that I can't make any decisions on my own. He is very nasty to me. She can fall and get a bump or bruse with him and its ok, but if she get a bug bit or something when she is with me then all hell breaks loose.
    bellaesmom

    Answer by bellaesmom at 6:11 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • I agree with keyaziz.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:11 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • You are setting yourself up for him to have custody. If he is the one that mainly has her when you go to court there is a good chance he will get physical custody. If you want custody you have to have her and get a lawyer. Talk to them and do what they tell you.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 6:15 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • So if I take her then he would have to fight for her?
    bellaesmom

    Answer by bellaesmom at 6:19 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Not to scare you, but I wonder about what he's telling your daughter while you aren't there - Has her behavior towards you changed at all? Have you become the "bad guy" because you left? If you are concerned about anything, DON'T send her there - No matter how convenient it is for you. You have a job, he doesn't. That's a plus for you.

    How did he treat her when you were together? Did you really do all of the work, or does it just seem that way? If you really, truly DID do everything, he's going to be in for a BIG shock if he gets full custody.

    Main thing: Cover your fanny. Get a lawyer. Get a dayplanner and use it as a journal - Write down EVERYTHING. Times he has her, times he's supposed to have her but doesn't, when he's late, when he just shows up. Save receipts for everything you buy for her. If items (clothes, toys, etc) go to his house & don't come back, then you have proof that you bought them.

    Good luck!
    dianepix

    Answer by dianepix at 6:21 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • You are her Mother. She needs to be with you. Get your Daughter, Get a Lawyer and fight for her. Make him pay child support and have set visitations. Do not let him scare you Hon.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 6:51 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

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