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I don't want sex (please read, I'm looking for new ideas) adult content

My DH and I have been together for 10 years. And for 2 years I was orgasming every time we had sex. Now, I rarely orgasm and I just don't want to have sex because I know going into it that I'm not going to orgasm and my DH doesn't enjoy it if I am not. We've run out of ideas.

We've tried everything - toys (all kinds), porn (neither of us liked it), erotica (so fake that I could only laugh), different positions, sex therapy (after 20 sessions we called it quits), the doctor has run every test (most paid for out of pocket because insurance doesn't cover it) and all my hormones are normal. I'm not on BC.

It has gotten so bad that when my husband says he wants sex, I just strip and lay there (he keeps trying but all I can think is "finish already"). I'm tired of this. I used to enjoy sex and want to enjoy it again. Any ideas that we haven't already tried?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on Jul. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I've heard of this happening after being with someone for so long....Just know that you are not alone. I've been married 5 years to the same man and I love him dearly, but I've gotten to where I don't want sex like I use to. I have found out my husband doesn't want sex as much either so I have found comfort in that its just not me. Have you both backed away from having sex and talking about it? As some of the other mamas have said it does sound like a mental thing....Being to focused on sex could be a harmful thing. Try falling in love again. Being romantic with out having sex. Get to know each other again and see how it does....Good luck to you.


    Answer by lil_Army_Wife05 at 8:24 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • How's your mental and emotional connection with your husband.

    For most women. Sex starts in the mind and with their emotions. The physical part of stimulation doesn't happen for them if the other two needs aren't being fulfilled.

    Answer by pixie_trix at 8:03 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • A glass of wine and some intimacy? Hold hands talk and just enjoy his company? Our bodies are ever evolving by saying "finish already" you have convinced your self that sex is no good. Do you need to come every time to enjoy your husband? Heck no that is the wonderful thing about women we can just enjoy the feel of our men, the sound of his voice, the heat of his body.
    I was on a drug once and it made me want sex like a mad woman, all the time just sex for sex sake. My husband wanted to hide from me. He told me nooo pleasseee stop. He begged me to leave him a lone. IT was freaking hilarious. Now things have changed a bit.
    I guess my point is sex can be pleasurable with out an orgasm. REALLY it can. Try to find a happy place and enjoy your man for what he is and stop pressuring your self so much. No trick is going to work if your tense.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 8:04 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like WAAAAY too much focus on sex. Fall in love with each other again. Maybe you should NOt have sex for a while, as long as dh can go?

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 8:11 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • lingerie maybe......I heard going on bike rides and exercises produces hormones that make you wanna have sex and there certian foods too that get you in the mood.

    Answer by babyangelromero at 8:00 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Kama Sutra

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:02 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • The problem sounds mental... you are just laying there, waiting for it to be over. You're never going to get anywhere like that, you can't give up. There is obviously tension because of this issue and your attitude only compounds it. Too much stress in this area is going to keep you from getting there.

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 8:08 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • pleasurable without orgasm occasionally, sure. But for years without one? I'd get to where I didn't want it too!
    have you tried chinese medicine? western med lab tests can come back 'normal' but chinese medicine deals with things in other ways.
    I urge you to give it a try, it helped me a lot!!!!
    I figured it was a bunch off hooey when I started, but started because I was desperate for sleep after a injury.
    you say you tried sex therapy, but was it the dry kind of a boring office, or was it something like a kama sutra workshop?

    please try chinese medicine! may not be the complete answer, but I bet it would help!

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 8:10 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • Maybe it"s perfectly normal to not have an orgaism temporarily. But, you"ve put yourself in a state of mind, that even if you try, you cannot have an orgasm!
    try making your self feel sensual again...have your partner touch you sensually and go with the flow. Erase the thought from your head about not having an orgasm every time it comes up.
    feel yourself or your partner touching you and only think of the pleasure you feel, nothing else!


    Answer by chanel27 at 8:19 PM on Jul. 27, 2010

  • This maybe too personal but do you orgasm when you masturbate? To me this would tell me if it is just you biologically or if something is amiss in your relationship.

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:39 PM on Jul. 27, 2010