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I'm going through a divorce- when will I feel better?

I kicked my husband out 1 month ago and he has a girlfriend already. My kids are mad at me all the time, cuz he is the fun part tiem daddy andd I make them do things like eat their vegtables and clean their rooms. How long does it take to recover from divorce?

 
mykidsrock77

Asked by mykidsrock77 at 12:28 AM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • It's an individual thing. The problem is, when somebody dies you can grieve, but with divorce they keep reminding you of your loss so recovery takes longer. I think you'll start feeling better when you realize that you did the right thing and can look at him as "your kids' dad". You'll never miss the good times, but hopefully you will eventually accept that he's not what you need. And, give yourself permission to grieve and sometimes feel guilt.
    WD40

    Answer by WD40 at 9:53 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • it will take awhile the chilern are going threw a new change from this. first they will be moddy but then they can't stand to see each parent with a new person cause they feel its taking a place of there parent so i am sure they will act out on that person, and they will be very angery for awhile its best to just be there and support there feeling but also tell them that things just doesn't go right at times, but later on they will get use to it and they will realize they will get double presents, but you also have to stick to your guns cause they will try to run over you with guilt...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • My mom was in the same situation. She separated from my dad and my little sister was devistated. She was always mad at my mom and wanted to be with my dad and his gf who bought her things all the time. My mom had a talk with my sister and explained to her why she was getting a divorce. My sister understood better but after my dad had another baby with his gf he totally kicked us kids to the curb and my sister saw a bad side of him. That pretty much changed her opinion about him.
    moniluvsmarcus

    Answer by moniluvsmarcus at 12:49 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • also don't talk bad about the other parent around your childern they will also get very upset and then they won't even want anything to do with you, if the other one talks bad let them but the childern will see who the better parent is and then they won't want anything to even do with the mean parent..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I think my mother said it took her about 10 years - after both of her divorces. Your children will go through it over an over as they progress through each developmental stage of life. (Psychologists say so and most adult children of divorce will tell you so.) I would say all of you will be in for a long road to recovery. Forgiveness and a relationship with God will make things easier. If you don't have that already, seek it now. If you need help you can ask me. Blessings!
    GrowingMama

    Answer by GrowingMama at 1:25 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • When will you feel better? When you learn to trust your decision and start to move forward. And that will take time. When I got divorced, it was like waking up and not knowing who I was anymore. I had to learn who I was, and what I wanted, and just accept the circumstances that lead up to my divorce. It took a lot of journaling, a lot of pity parties, a lot of support from friends and family. I had to let go of the anger and forgive both him and myself. It will come...the clouds will part and the sun will come out again. The kids will come on the journey with you. When you find peace, they will too.
    lyricsnlaughter

    Answer by lyricsnlaughter at 8:37 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • There are so many factors that will determine that:

    *How long you were married.
    *What your relationship was like.
    *How it ended.
    *Your feelings/attitude towards each other now & on into the future
    *How willing you are to get help/support

    The list goes on, I'm sure, but that's all I can think of at the moment. When my ex left, I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd child, so THAT certainly didn't help me cope. I ended up seeing a counselor for a few months, and it helped a lot. Everyone else in my life- friends, family, etc were too close to the situation; I needed someone objective to help me gain perspective...

    AlphaChick79

    Answer by AlphaChick79 at 12:21 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • ...

    Anyway, best answer I can give you is that it will likely take a few years to be 100% again. I heard that it takes 1 year for every 2 you were married. I was married for almost 6 years, and it has been exactly 3 years this month since he left, so I guess I'm all better now! :-)

    (I actually remarried last March, and had my 4th baby (1st with current DH) this past May. You CAN find happiness again! Just get through this first...)

    ((HUGS)) & Prayers to you,
    Jennifer C
    AlphaChick79

    Answer by AlphaChick79 at 12:22 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Thank you for your encouraging words Jennifer C! We have been married for 6 years, together for 10. Our kids are 9,7,and 3. Our relationship has been up and down, he struggles with alcolhol. When he's not drinking, he is such a good man with a soft caring heart. When he's drinking he's angry and irresponsible. Right before he moved out he was drinking all the time and not coming home half the time. He now has a girlfriend, which I'm pretty sure started before I kicked him out. That is so upseting to me because I feel like I have hung in there with him through so many struggles , and now he's just moved on without a care in the world.
    mykidsrock77

    Answer by mykidsrock77 at 7:45 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • We are civil for the most part, I am very angry so generally if things get ugly, its because of me. Lately he's been trying to do little things to reach out to me a litle bit, but that really plays with my emotions when he does that. As for the future, that is probably where I am most devestated, through all the crap I've been through with him, I've held on to this unrealistic belief that one day we would have our somewhat-happily-ever-after.
    mykidsrock77

    Answer by mykidsrock77 at 7:46 PM on Oct. 3, 2008