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why is it that people assume it is okay to go around touching people? I come from an abusive background and my bubble space is very large. when I tell people that I don't like to be touched (hug patted,etc) and not to come up behind me or startle me they look offended. should I just let them hug me to avoid their reactions even though I am extremely uncomfortable? I have this problem when it comes to my family too. but with family I just grin and bear it.

I even have a guy I like that I get weird when he hugs me. (That's as far. As that relationship has gone. )

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Asked by dragonlady44 at 1:01 AM on Jul. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,303 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I'm hoping you are in therapy to deal with the pain- you can try to educate the entire world (and hurt some feelings in the process), or you can work on some healing.

    Either way, whatever you choose, be at peace with your choice.

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:04 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I am right there with you. I have extremely sensitive skin and sometimes even a light touch is painful. It drives me crazy too and I don't know why they do it. I have to constantly remind people not to touch me.
    I think it is natural to touch people you like to reaffirm your relationship, but sometimes it is too much.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:05 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • There is nothing for me to do about my sensitive skin, but I agree with lovingangels, therapy might be in order.

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:05 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • aw that is hard i am so sorry. you have personal rights though that people should respect. they may not understand but they will have to ... i would keep on. some people dont like to be touched and people should respect

    Answer by MoMoFu at 1:06 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Have you tried telling them how you feel? Even if you don't want to mention your past, just tell them you don't like to be hugged or came up to from behind. My aunt hugs no one, she says she doesn't like her personal space invaved, we don't know why but we respect her wishes.

    Due to my past, I do not like to be sneaked up on from behind. If I get grabbed from behind or if anyone just comes up to me from behind, I start to run and I will have an anxiety attack.

    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 1:08 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Little by little my faith in God is healing. I am just nervous cause when I get startled I swing. Not so much anymore but I still have that knee jerk reaction to fight.

    Comment by dragonlady44 (original poster) at 1:12 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I was also abused as a kid... and it took YEARS to get over the reaction you have.
    It might help you to try counciling (I think it would have saved me years of struggle), but even if you opt to not go to counciling IMO you can draw some boundaries for space... but you also need to work to re-define your space. I used to get hit in the back of the head at the dinner table... I was almost 30 before I could tolerate sitting in a restaurant in a seat where people walked behind my chair.

    I had to power through... some people I told my issues and some I did not. My husband knows to never scare me bc I will punch him in a paniced reaction. Only DH can touch my neck and I don't like to feel cornered still... some things I have not grown past... but many I have. Hugs, Kisses, Touching, Love and people walking behind me while I eat... I can do those things now... and you will be able to too... just keep trying.


    Answer by Niki_sd at 1:15 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I don't like other people to touch me either I do a lot of side stepping and handshaking to ward off the hugs of stragners. When did a hug become the way to greet someone? I'll hug my family because, well I'm supposed to want to give my little sister a hug when we're saying goodbye (wether or not I'm really comfortable with it). But the only people I enjoy hugging are my husband (and he had to break through a LOT of barriers to get their) and my children (that just needs no explination). I'm not in any kind of counseling but that's mostly because I'm afraid of damaging mine and my husbands image. I know that it would be really helpful in getting over that hurt, but I'm just not ready.

    Answer by GigantaursMommy at 1:17 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • well if you feel uncomfortable with it, than NO..... there is no problem with that. But obviously you are one of the many that actually cares what people think (I personally do not). Your family especially should be able to respect your feelings. It is not okay! and lucky for anyone who makes a habit of touching strange womens pregnant bellies that I never encountered them because I would file assault charges against them! but this is just me!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:26 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I'm the opposite. I was abused as a child, physically not sexually... it was pretty bad. But, now that i am an adult i want to be held & snuggleg & be touched the right a loving way. I always thought that because i lacked that as a child, that i crave it so much more as an adult. I love affection & touching.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

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