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READ please!!!

I have been with my SO for about 5 years. I have always been bisexual and he has known that from the start. I haven't ever been happy. He is a great man and treats me well, and I could never figure out why not. Recently through some really heavy self searching, I have come to the realization that I am gay. It will crush him when I tell him. My family is religious and they will hate me. I feel I can't lie any longer though, I need to be myself. Any suggestions on what to do?



(Really, I wanted to get it off my chest more than anything. Even if it is on a cafemom post)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 AM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • The best thing you can do is be honest with everyone, including your SO. It is better to tell him now than to live a lie, even if it hurts. Time heals all wounds, as they say...but the longer you wait, the greater the wound will be.
    As for your family, they will either accept you as you are, or they won't...and that is on them. There is nothing you can do to change that, so you have to do some accepting of your own...Accept that you can only control how YOU react, how you interact, and how you handle yourself. Don't be ashamed of who you are, not ever. You are a person who is deserving of love, and you need to remember that.
    Bite the bullet, and come on out.
    jespeach

    Answer by jespeach at 3:19 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I'm sorry that this will be so hard for you, but I'm happy you are going to be true to yourself. Good luck!
    mamapotter

    Answer by mamapotter at 2:10 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Well it sounds like you're not married? That's a good thing at least. You are being honest with yourself, now it's time to be honest with him, and your family. It's going to be hard and possibly painful, but it'll be even worse if you don't say anything. Good luck, and congratulations on finding yourself
    amyofthejungle

    Answer by amyofthejungle at 2:14 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Be true to yourself! Nothing else matters! You are in my prayers, dear!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Maybe you could find a group for women that have recently come out? It might help to have a support network... especially if you anticipate you will be shunned by people you love (parents) at least until they adjust. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it goes as smoothly as possible. As for your SO.. Wow. Sucks to hurt a good guy, but you can't lie and fake feelings you don't have. Having never been in that situation my guess would be to be honest, much of what you said here you should tell him -- He is amazing. He is so wonderful, you stayed for years thinking something was wrong with you for not being happy. He deserves someone that can fully reciprocate and appreciate how great he is. You both deserve to love and be in love. Etc, etc.
    Serafyna

    Answer by Serafyna at 2:59 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • As mean as it may sound, but if your family doesnt love you gay, then never loved you straight. Religion does not matter if you love your child or not.

    About your husband, he knew you are bi. Well, seems like he never had a problem with that. So just tell him you need to talk to him and then tell him, that you dont love him anymore or whatever you feel like telling him.
    m.robertson811

    Answer by m.robertson811 at 3:06 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • WELL, I THINK THAT I DISAGREE WITH M.ROBERTSON. I DONT THINK THAT YOU DONT LOVE HIM, I THINK IT IS MORE OF A SEXUAL THING AND I AM SURE YOU HAVE REALLY STRONG FEELINGS FOR HIM. YOU OWE IT TO HIM TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH, AND TO YOURSELF. IT IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD, YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO IT EVENTAULLY SO YOU MAY AS WELL GO AHEAD AND DO IT. THE SOONER YOU TELL EVERYONE THE SOONER YOU GUYS CAN ALL START FIGURING OUT WHERE TO GO FROM HERE. I DONT KNOW THAT I WOULD TELL YOUR FAMILY AND YOUR SO AT THE SAME TIME. I THINK THAT IT WOULD BE TO MUCH TO BEAR. I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK AND THERE ARE GROUPS ON CAFEMOM THAT ARE FOR GAY PEOPLE. MAYBE YOU CAN GET SOME SUPPORT AND TIPS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS THERE. GOOD LUCK.
    alicia_4307

    Answer by alicia_4307 at 3:17 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Wait and think about it. Don't jump, just yet.
    akhlass

    Answer by akhlass at 8:21 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • dont forget you have a cafemom family that will support you no matter what. i'm sure he'll be crushed; but hopefully at the same time he'll respect your honesty.
    imanixon2

    Answer by imanixon2 at 10:11 AM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I think it's a brave thing for you to do. And I'm sure your family will come around, just give them time. As for your SO, it will be a big blow to him but you owe it to him to be honest about who you are. That way you can move on and be happy and so can he. I wish you lots of luck!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 4:00 PM on Oct. 3, 2008