Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it wrong that I don't want....

my husband sharing personal details about our marriage or how we are going to finance a house with his sister? She never gives him private detail about how she financed her house, and issues in the marriage or anything. We were having issues last year and he told her all the details and I walked in as she was getting ready to go off on me over messenger. I have asked him a couple of times to keep these things to us until we work through them and deal with them, but he thinks that its because she is just being the big sister. I feel hostility from her about every decision that we make and I am tired of it. I also feel that she acts like my husband has no common sense by the questions that she ask.

Answer Question
 
psych_mom

Asked by psych_mom at 11:38 AM on Jul. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (116 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • It is not wrong for you to feel this way at all. He has no right telling his sister personal details about your marriage. All that does is end up causing problems between you and your SIL and possibly the rest of his family. I'm not sure what you should do besides telling him what you have already told him. Good luck and sorry you are experiencing this.
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 11:41 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • You just really really need to tell your husband how badly it makes you feel that he does that and hopefully he will keep it to himself and only discuss these issues with you..Your sister sounds like she is just a misses fix it, let her fix her own stuff..
    2ndtimearound4

    Answer by 2ndtimearound4 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Who needs the aggravation of having his big sister glaring at you? He's probably just used to following her advice since infancy and she's got an obssessive need to control his life. This could be a hard habit to break. Good Luck!
    Blabbermouth

    Answer by Blabbermouth at 11:41 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I share things with my brother as well as my BF shares personal details with his mother. Yes, it is weird that his mother knows a lot of our relationship and major personal details but sometimes, that is the only person someone has to talk to about that stuff that they trust. I wouldn't be upset with him or her. My brother gets upset as well when something isn't going right.. It's a sibling thing. But he doesn't treat my BF any different when we go visit them.
    Michele068

    Answer by Michele068 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • No, unless he always talks to his sister always about personal stuff.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • PERSONALLY, I don't like to discuss anything like this with anyone, unless I am asking my dad for advice. I don't think it is anyone elses' business, and the only reason I talk to my dad is because he is a financial genius... LOL I really don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about how much money we make, where our money goes, how we pay for this or pay for that, etc.. I just really don't like it. So yea, I wouldn't be happy about it..
    FatGirl239

    Answer by FatGirl239 at 11:44 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I think it is proper to expect your husband to keep communications between you and him private. I hope he can 'grow up' and learn to respect your wishes for privacy especially in financial matters! I had to turn over a mortgage loan I was working on because it was my ex husband and his new s/o years ago. I just did not feel it was up to me to approve or decline that loan. Either way, if ex hubby found out, it could have caused trouble between me and my ex, but also about confidential information. I hope this helps.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 11:45 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • If it bothers you so much tell him, but it is a good thing he has got someone to vent to.
    older

    Answer by older at 11:47 AM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Older... I have told him. I don't mind if he talks to his parents about things because they usually give good advice regardless if it is a financial issue or relationship issue. I only speak to my dad about things because I don't want my brothers or SIL to know everything.

    KFree, when he calls his sister or she calls him, it usually involves her telling him everything that is going on in her life, and then when he starts talking about his, she hurries up and gets off the phone. Then when he's own his computer that start im'ing about all our personal stuff. They won't speak about it when I am present at all.

    Shanlaree, that is exactly how I feel. It is causing issues and I hate it! I am beginning to think he could marry the queen and his sister still wouldn't like it! lol
    psych_mom

    Comment by psych_mom (original poster) at 12:08 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • You need to tell him how you feel and why - it looks like the two of you have different definitions/expectations of privacy in the relationship. Let him know what you feel is off-limits and ask him what he feels is off-limits to discuss with people outside your immediate family. The two of you need to come to some understanding of what is ok.
    aliceinalgonac

    Answer by aliceinalgonac at 12:59 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN