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DH & Doctor Visits

I'm 20 weeks and so far DH hasn't come to any appointments with me at all. I've been through a lot at these appointments (high risk for Down's) and it sucks having to go through all this bad news alone. I feel very resentful that he isn't there to support me. Even at my anatomy scan, he couldn't make it. I see lots of other husbands going with their wives. Apparently, they manage to take a few hours off to go. I just feel like after everything we went through (IVF) due to his infertility, he could show a little support. He also has been useless with naming this baby. He shoots down every suggestion I make and refuses to make any himself. I realize I may sound bitter but I just feel like I'm going through this pregnancy alone when I shouldn't be. We chose this, we're married, and yet I'm all alone. Does anyone else feel like this?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Jul. 28, 2010 in Pregnancy

Answers (6)
  • he sounds like a man. i would insist he come to the next opt.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 12:52 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I'm sorry he does that to you.you are right to feel the way you do.Have you told him he HAS to go, because you need his support?And he can miss work the family medical leave act covers that.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 12:53 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I am just curious why you say high risk for down's. Is it because the blood test showed it? Also my husband came to 1 total appointment with me throughout my last pregnancy because of problems I had that made him not want to get attatched to the baby if we were going ot lose him. Luckily we didn't but men are different and they do things differently.
    carmadsmom

    Answer by carmadsmom at 1:28 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • sounds like you will be taking care of a baby by yourself too... you need to find a way to tell your husband that you are in this together and he better step up to the plate - you are handling the hardest part of the pregnancy which is being pregnant and going through childbirth. ask him what HE thinks his role should be, explain to him you are concerned about his ability to be a good parent in partnership with you based on his apparent lack of effort and interest. explain that stress contributes to problems for you and baby and ask if he wants to be responsible for that. ask him why he doesn't participate - just ask...
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 1:51 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • First I will say, instead of making suggestions, flat out tell him you want more support. Honestly most men to catch on unless its completely direct and to the point. Personally I didnt mind going alone cause all he would do is complain about how long we waited, blah blah blah lol he did come to a few of them tho. Put your foot down and let him know whats up!!!!
    KaRaBaSsEtT

    Answer by KaRaBaSsEtT at 2:18 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • OMG figaro that was a little rude and uncalled for of taking care of a baby yourself. honestly I know many men who don't go to the appointments. Basically what is the point. Ok check your weight, BP, urine, ask you a few questions, measure your fundal height and check the heartrate. Rinse and repeat until 36 weeks when we do the group b strep and maybe see if you are dialated. Honeslty why does the man need to go every appointment? That doesn't mean he doesn't care. If no one tells him their expectations he won't know. Seriously some people amaze me.
    carmadsmom

    Answer by carmadsmom at 4:20 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

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