Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

my husband thinks that because i am a stay at home mom i dont bust my butt, his words not mine, what are your opinions on this??

He says i dont work nearly as hard as he does, granted he works outside, but i do yard work while watching 2 kids under 4, house work, meals, going to town to grocery shop which is about a 30 minute drive because we live in the sticks so its a process. I cant even go pee without being asked for something from the kids, which is fine i dont mind but it irritates me that he doesnt understand my day is constant, i dont even have room to breath sometimes. "i should be a wife and pack his lunch." excuse me. I dont even know how to talk to him anymore, its not worth the energy it takes i just say ok to everything just to stop the fighting i am so tired of it, my little sister passed away about 2 months ago to top it off too. positive suggestions are openly welcomed, thank you!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Jul. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • tell him to kiss your ass and pack his own lunch. your not doing anything for him until he starts appreciating and understanding what you go through everyday and what your going through with your little sister passing away.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 2:43 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Spoken like a true chauvinist pig!!! you should have him do your job for a few days for a little change in perspective!
    older

    Answer by older at 2:45 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • What does he do for a living? I think taking care of him is as much your job as taking care of the kids, i.e. fixing his lunch and getting him up for work. If he has a very physically demanding job than you probably don't work as HARD as he does. BUT you DO work more than he does, cause he has hours and yours is truly fulltime. That's my opinion, so he needs to stop being a whiny pants about how hard he works, blah blah. Tell him to grow up.
    Tes...Jacksmami

    Answer by Tes...Jacksmami at 2:46 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • I would tell him that just because he does not SEE all that you do, does not mean you do LESS than he does. that who does the most work is NOT a competition in a marriage. I would sit down with him and have a heart to heart honey. because hm saying this type of thing on the heals of a loss of a loved one is being a bit heartless. granted men often speak without thinking with thier hearts. but i thinkyou need to let him know that his words are hurting you. and that while he can leave the home and work, he is OFF work once he comes home. whereas you are on call 24 hours a day. that it is hardly fair of hm to not only say these hurtful things right now at this point in your life and your grieving but that it is uncalled for and unfair. and you will trade ANY DAY with him. let him see how it feels
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 2:46 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Leave for the day. Go where ever you can kill like 6 hours & leave him in charge of the kids. My hubby mouths off sometimes too but quickly shuts up after he's been reminded of how hard I work. Putting him in your shoes will do more than any words you can say to him. Men have to experience things, not just be told.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 2:47 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • You should tell him! so the next time you are off you can run the house, and leave him to do EVERY THING and when you get back and he says I am tired yada yada then finally he might get it.

    :) I don't think they ever get it.

    Tell him when he appreciates what you do all day then you will pack him lunch. If they appreciate it they deserve it.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:48 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • First of all I am so sorry about your sister. And my S/O is the same way. I have a 17 month old and a 4 month old. And I "sit home all day." According to him. Mine even admits that he can't handle the kids alone for more than an hour or so, but I am the "mom" so it is natural for me. WTF I am a mom but I am also only human. I can't even ask him to change a diaper when he is home because he worked all day. I have been thinking of a way to get him to see the light before it gets to the point where I can't take it anymore but so far nothing. I hope you have better luck than me.
    jenae_gist

    Answer by jenae_gist at 2:48 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • stop doing the 'normal' things for him that he's used to getting, and see how far he bends over backwards. you do work, maybe not outside in the heat of summer, but you are busy. granted, i (and you) can schedule yourselves as you see fit..its not like the floors need mopping every day..as opposed to someone else scheduling your day for you (ie: a boss)..lay off doing some of the regular household chores, and save it for his day off. leave for the day, and see how he handles everything. you know he's gonna come unglued, and get pissy. but at least he'll see how hard it is to keep good-house/kids. its much easier to go to work, and punch a timeclock.
    (when i worked, i disagreed, only because my dh worked/lived out of town, and i still had to do everything once i got home/days off.)
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:48 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Pack his lunch wrong. Eventually he'll stop asking for it.

    PBJ + onion. "I don't know why your chips are nothing but crumbs".... "What do you mean you don't have a can opener for the can of green beans I sent you with?"... "OH, that was cat food? I thought it was tuna! Oops!"
    coder_chick

    Answer by coder_chick at 2:49 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

  • Get a friend or family member and go away for a couple days and let him stay home with the kids. With my DH, he didn't say I didn't work hard, but it was always a competition with him, he had the harder job. Who cares???? I nanny 2-3 times/week, so our son doesn't spend a minute in daycare, and 1-2 times a week when my son was being watched by a family member so I could do taxes. Now my DH is off on comp, due to a shoulder injury so now I'm working all week and come home to a pig sty. Granted he's not supposed to be moving his arm, but there are somethings he can do with his left arm. Tell your DH that you would be glad to trade places with him for a week. He wouldn't last a couple days being you! The house would be trashed and he would be begging to make his own lunch and be back to work! LOL :)
    JGRIMMER

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 2:52 PM on Jul. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.