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2 Bumps

Am i "spoiling" him???

My hubby works monday to friday, and sometimes sats. We have a 6 months old baby, i do all the housework plus taking care of the baby. my doughter wakes up at least twice at night, and need to be fed(bottle), my hubby never wakes up for the baby, coz he has to wake up early, 4 am to go to work. i understand this but, my question is, is it fair that i shoul do everything just because he provides for us? is it too much to ask for some help? will it be unfair if i insist he takes care of the baby on sundays? according to him, it is, since he says that he needatleast a day to relax. am so overwhelmed and tired. i never get a break at all.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Yes, you are indeed "spoiling him." When you allow him to rest, you automatically allow yourself to be drafted for overtime. I'm sorry, but as a SAHM for over 10 years, I finally decided that the pay sucked and the hours were lousy. After DH came home from work, I'd give exactly 1 hour to knock the job dust off and then I was out the door. Anything he had to say had to wait until after I returned. He learned real quick to see how I was feeling this way! I refuse to be ignored or taken advantage of. Men will do whatever you let them get away with!
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 1:55 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I think you should do the lions share of it, yes, because you are the SAHM (I'm also a SAHM, btw, so I'm not bashing you for that).

    BUT - he should ABSOLUTELY be helping you with the baby when he's home, and he should be willing to help in the evenings when he gets home. Because while what you do is a "job", parenting is something you should BOTH be doing. So, it's not unreasonable for, say, him to take care of the baby while you're working on dinner. Or he gives the baby a bath / ready for bed while you do the dishes (or he does the dishes while you get the baby ready for bed...) On the weekend, you should BOTH be taking care of the baby, and that way, you BOTH get some "down time" - neither of you gets as much as you did before the baby was born, but, frankly, that's what happens when you have kids - and your dh needs to accept that!

    gl
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:04 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • He can help you out on sundays even tuesday. It's part of being a parent. You need to have a break once in while also. Stop spoiling him have him step-up and get up with the baby for a feeding or something.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:12 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Maybe you could work out a schedule. Make a list of everything you do throughout the day, and hand it to him next time he says you don't deserve help. Then offer to trade off, say one Sunday for him, one for you, and then the third you get to spend together (get a sitter).
    Brandi61279

    Answer by Brandi61279 at 2:19 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Some men think babies and housework are women's work. You should have discussed this with him before marriage. That way you would not have any surprises. Each would know what's expected of them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • you need a break as well, after all you are working 24/7,, talk to him so he would understand how stressed out and tired it's making you. He's a parent too and should have his share of taking care of the baby, you need your break to recharge your energy at least.


    sorry but men can be so selfish sometimess!!

    mommy_sam

    Answer by mommy_sam at 2:35 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I think you should definitely make that a point; you NEVER get a break... Force him from Saturday night to Sunday she is his responsibility... and leave the house for a little mommy time. And don't ever let him make you feel like your not equivalent to him because you do the hardest job that there is. It takes 2 to make a baby, don't let him forget it... if your baby isn't sleeping through the night you should try to give her cereal in her bottle before she goes down, not trying to tell you how to raise her, it just worked for me and I really needed more sleep.
    Topgunmommy

    Answer by Topgunmommy at 3:23 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • All your answers have been so helpfull, tomorrow am going to have a takl with hubby, he has to step up and do his part. i love the idea by Topgunmommy, forcing him to take sat night to sunday to take care of the baby,.. thats a great idea. so starting this sat thing are going to change at my house. i was stupid enough to listen to my sister who convinced me that my hubby works hard and i should not push him more at home.. well thanks a million for all your advice. you have all confirmed what i believed. am definatly going to try the cereal in the bottle, is that apropriate for a six months baby?
    ashley387

    Answer by ashley387 at 4:20 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • All your answers have been so helpfull, tomorrow am going to have a takl with hubby, he has to step up and do his part. i love the idea by Topgunmommy, forcing him to take sat night to sunday to take care of the baby,.. thats a great idea. so starting this sat thing are going to change at my house. i was stupid enough to listen to my sister who convinced me that my hubby works hard and i should not push him more at home.. well thanks a million for all your advice. you have all confirmed what i believed. am definatly going to try the cereal in the bottle, is that apropriate for a six months baby?
    ashley387

    Answer by ashley387 at 4:30 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • good, luck and totally fine, I think it's 3 or 4 months is when it's fine to start, just add a little cereal before you heat it up and then cut a slit in the nipple, keep it thin you don't want her to choke! But make sure she is getting something, It will keep her tummy nice and full, you will get lots more sleep!
    Topgunmommy

    Answer by Topgunmommy at 11:38 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

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