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I had a relationship with someone who was romantic....

He played music, we drank, we dressed in fantasy clothes, and had a large canopy bed with vails everywhere! God I miss him and wish to play! Now I am with someone who thinks BDSM is all about hitting. He likes to leave bruises, but I want the fantasy.
Mylimits aren't respected. There is no safe word.
Is it worth leaving him to find the fantasy?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • It's worth leaving him because your limits and YOU aren't respected (and that is taken from your own words).

    Answer by Sara.Robyson at 1:54 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • YES! I agree with the pp!!!!

    While BDSM isn't what I'm into, I respect that it is what you're into. But, it sounds like your SO isn't into the same thing you're into - it sounds like he's into hurting women, and views this as an outlet to be able to do it.

    It's very dangerous for you to not have safe words, and to not have your limits respected (which says to me that even if you DID have a safe word, he wouldn't respect it if you used it!)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:59 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Is it worth leaving for a fantasy.........No.

    Is it worth leaving because he obviously has no respect for you, your comfort level, your desires and needs..............Hell Yes.......

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:01 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • BDSM should never be used as an excuse for physical abuse. You said your limits are not respected. That is abuse. You said there is no safe word. That is dangerous. He wants to hit and you want the fantasy. Both of you are not compatible in what BDSM is to each of you. It's always worth leaving abuse.

    You have a say in this. And it starts with your feet. You can leave. That is inviolable law.
    I've been involved with BDSM for many years. Let me tell you, a strong sub is one who stands up for herself and is one who knows the difference between an abuser and play. Those are always hard lessons to learn. If you need someone to talk to, drop me a line. Good Luck.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 8:37 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • ladies what does BDSM atand for & you dont deserve someone like that who dont respect your limits

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • The fact that he does not respect you is the only real reason you need to leave!

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 11:51 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

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