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2 Bumps

Help. I'm really confused and don't know what to do. adult content

Okay so first of all my boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years. We have never had any problems but we just recently moved and our car needed repairs right after that.(all of which I had to take care, he would just give me whatever I needed for money) anyway, since we've moved in he is much more irritated at me children(b 7 and g 9) I've tried to talk to him about and how I don't feel like he's supporting and he just says he doesn't want to talk about it because it would just stress him out more...Bullshit! last night he finally told me that he doesn't want to be angry anymore and the kids are just driving him nuts but he still loves me to death and that's why he's stayed for this long. He says he wants to "take a break for a couple days" I know I should just let him go because if you can't love my kids then you shouldn't be with me right...I just love him so much..we've already been through a lot together.

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NayNay3018

Asked by NayNay3018 at 7:46 AM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Aw, I'm sorry. That is really tough, but I think you know what your heart is telling you. We all have bad days and get frustrated with our kids. I guess the question is, is he like this frequently? If so, then it's going to take a toll on your relationship. Do you guys get any kind of break away from the kids?
    momofone221

    Answer by momofone221 at 7:51 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Sucks! But...holding on to something that's not meant to be only delays the inevitable. How would you feel about him living seperate so he has some space to get away but staying married? Look for the unusual fixes like this that will work for you guys, doesn't have to end in divorce. IMO its not that he doesn't love your kids, he just isn't used to the noise & stress. Especially as we get older changes like these are harder to adjust to. If you still love him & he still loves you then find what will work for you. What about his own room w/ a tv so he can go in & shut the door? A man cave out back? Keep thinking & I bet you'll come up w/ something.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 7:52 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • He could just be overwhelmed at the thought of being a full-time dad. If he wasn't exposed to children before (no little brothers or sisters when he was a kid kinda thing) he could just be getting freaked out because now he is responsible for their health and wellbeing. Also, he may have "frenemys' who are banging on about how all the fun in his life will be gone because of his "instant family".
    I would suggest asking him what, exactly, are the kids doing to make him nuts. Too loud? Fighting alot? Disrespecting you in front of him? Maybe he wants to take a more active father role but feels you wouldn't support him. The biggest job a mom/wife will have is mediating between bf/dh and the kids. Find out what exactly is the problem and fix it without making him feel it's his fault for not being able to cope.
    plylerjones

    Answer by plylerjones at 7:52 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I am wondering if there are other stresses here? is he maybe concerned about supporting you and the children? men react funny to that worry. pulling away is pretty common as they fret in thier minds they are not doing good enough.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:01 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Thank you so much for the help guys...maybe he does just need some time for himself. We don't get a lot of time away from the kids...I have tried to stop them from doing what's bothering him. but sometimes they wake up with nightmares and he can't take it...it's probably just all the stress we've been under. Maybe he'll be okay once the stress level is gone. Thanks again!
    NayNay3018

    Comment by NayNay3018 (original poster) at 8:14 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If he couldn't live with my children, he couldn't live with me. For me, this would be a no brainer. No one comes before my children. If he is going to be harsh on your children and make their lives stressful, in a place that should be their safe place, then he would have to go. I'd help him pack and wouldn't look back.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:06 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

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