Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How long should I let my 25 month old throw a tantrum?

My daughter really had her 1st 'tantrum' yesterday and it started at going to the beach/spray park??? Iwent down to the beach alone and let her cry and 'rant' as she screamed like a crazy woman. I let this go on for about 15 minutes before telling her if we went back home Iwould NOT put her DVD on in the car (I assumed that is why she didn't want the beach). We did end up leaving and she threw a fit and cried and yelled and arched her back the entire 25 minutes home. Is this too long to let her cry and have a fit at this age? (I was tempted to stop to try and calm her, but my anger overtook). Any other suggestions on dealing with this kind of irrational tantrum?

Answer Question

Asked by otterhongkong at 9:08 AM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • I would have spanked her little butt and told her to stop. Unless you do that, you can expect more of the same. You tell her one time what you want. If she does not immediately obey, you spank. You will have to be consistent, and you can expect it to take a while for her to understand that you do not intend to tolerate such behavior. If you don't get a handle on this now, you can expect to be held hostage by your own child for about the next 18 years or so. That's not how you should live your life. I suggest you get yourself a little instrument of discipline or training, as I like to call it. Get something small that you can carry in your purse--like a small flexible ruler or a little plastic flyswatter. It has to sting but not leave a mark. That's the test of a good spanking--one has to be made to feel the pain of the consequences of disobedience and bad behavior. This will work, and your child will thank you!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:12 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I Don't agree with NannyB . I don't think just because you don't spank your child that he/she is going to hold you hostage in your own home time he/she is 18 years old, that s silly!!!!! And spanking them with a ruler/flyswatter...i think that is going too far with daughter is 20 months old and i DO NOT spank her. what she is bad i put her in timeout...or if she is having a tantrum..i put her in her room in her crib till she calms down.
    Good Luck.

    Answer by mommylisar at 9:19 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I don't agree in spanking a child for having a tantrum. Then again I don't agree in spanking a child at all. Inflicting pain on them doesn't solve anything, making your child fear you does no solve anything. Infact it generates more problems.

    Anyhow, to answer your question. I let the tantrum go on as long as they feel they can throw one. They're trying to get the attention that they think it will bring. That's the only reason they do it, to get you to give in and coddle them. It should never be something you "Talk through" with them, spank them for, or even give any mind to at all. When my son starts it I give him one warning .. "If you continue to throw a fit you're going to bed." and if he continues then I put him in bed and he throws his fit until his heart is content. Sometimes it's a few minutes and sometimes it's what seems like forever. They need to know you're not giving in to it. So ignore it.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 9:25 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • spanking a two year old for crying is not going to stop the crying it will just make it worse. when my two year old does that at home he goes in his room until he is done. the more attention you give them over it the more they are going to do it and the longer they will last. when my step son was 4 he would have tantums that would last for over an hour. over an hour of screaming at the top of his lungs. his mom would run to him the second a tantrum started and do anything to get it stopped. his dad would spank him. every time they did that the next tantrum was worse. when we started to put him in his room and have nothing to do with him until he was quite was when they started to go away.

    Answer by happy-go-lucky at 9:41 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • spanking would give her a reason to cry. but it sounds like you did well. welcome to the terrible twos. threes don't get much easier. a time out till she stops crying is best . self soothing herself will help her in life. and yes it's hard hearing them like that but most likely there is a reason behind it. maybe she needed to eat maybe she was tired maybe she just was not into having fun. idk... but not responding to it is best till she calms down

    Answer by miritrose at 9:57 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • With my son we put him in time out for his tantrums, his tantrums quickly stop. IF his tantrum is still going he is not done with time out until he's calm... even if he carries on for a half and hour. He almost never has tantrums like that unless he's over tired.... however he DID just yesterday! He carried on forever! I just let him get it all out... in time out. And I ignore it. I think giving attention for the behavior (either yelling at him or trying to distract him) makes it worse and encourages the behavior.
    If we happen to be in public he gets time out no matter where we are... I don't care if people stare. We do try to take it somewhere more private if we can so he's not being annoying to others. But usually just telling him he's in time out gets him to shape up in less than a 2 minutes.
    I agree with the others, spanking won't help this situation. We've tried it in the past, it makes it 10 times worse!

    Answer by AmiJanell at 10:34 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I tend to let tantrums run their course however long that might take. I've found that any attention to try to stop the tantrum just winds him up again. Redirection will sometimes work. I carry on like nothing is happening and talking about something (i.e. "look at the bird/squirrel eating..). Sometimes I'll go play with a toy just out of his line of sight (curiosity will eventually get him). Like the others, I'm against spanking. There was an article recently in either Time or Newsweek talking about spanking. The study found that kids spanked at this age tended to be more aggressive by the time they were 5 than those who weren't spanked (the study accounted for other factors that might also have increased aggression).

    Answer by momofryan07 at 11:03 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Don't give in. Don't yell. Let them go and "ignore" it. As long as the child is in a safe place and not hurting themself or anyone else it is okay. This is how the child is expressing their emotions. If you want to talk, try to speak calmly and in a soothing voice.
    Also, children learn from what they see so if you handle your emotions well, over time your child will too.
    Good luck :-)

    Answer by SabrinaLC at 12:29 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • My ds is almost 26 months. It depends on where we are and what the tantrum is for.

    If we're in public, I will take him into the bathroom to calm him down.

    If we're at home, I let it run it's course. I do not acknowledge him if he's having a tantrum. When he's ready to calm down, then I am more than happy to pay attention to him. The only exception to this is if he starts hurting himself, which has only happened twice so far. Usually he just walks around or plants himself on the floor and screams.

    He's autistic, but he knows that tantrums are unacceptable. He also knows full well how to manipulate situations to his advantage, which is why I take him in the bathroom when we're out in public (his tantrums are practically non-existent if he doesn't have an audience) .

    Answer by ShadowRaven at 12:36 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • How long ? About a minute in public. ANd only a few at home ..then you send them to their room or put them there.

    Answer by gertie41 at 2:03 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.