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2 Bumps

Did your MIL not get it that you didn't want her in the delivery room?

One of my biggest fears is that my MIL will try and guilt trip my husband into being there. My mom is totally cool with it and gets that I just want it to be my DH and me ONLY. Why is that so hard for her to understand? It isn't even like my mom will be there and my MIL is being excluded. Ugh.

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Sara.Robyson

Asked by Sara.Robyson at 11:41 AM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,854 Credits)
Answers (28)
  • personally i think its wierd that you dont want your mother in there. i would never not let my mother be in the delivery room with me. she was in there when i was born, and she will be in there when her grandchildren are born. thats a once in a life time experience and it doesnt take away from you and your DH, it adds to the experience. if your MIL is good to you, you should allow her in too. when my son grows up, if his wife tells me i cant be in the room, i will never think of her the same and i will be so upset and disappointed that i missed out on the birth of my grandchild and i will be even upset if my daughter did that to me. i think you need to stop being so selfish. its not all about you and what you want.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:46 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • both my mom and MIL were totally ok with it just being Dh in the delivery room. Its what makes you comfortable and its what you want
    kassee

    Answer by kassee at 11:48 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • my MIL ran there and my hospital only allowed one other person other than my husband. so my mother couldnt be there cause she got there after my MIL. i was heartbroken
    jeter4u2

    Answer by jeter4u2 at 11:49 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I think she should respect your privacy. If it is to be only you and the DH then she is not being singled out. My MIL gave me the I have seen every one of my grand babies born. I thought to myself , well old lady, the buck stops here! I had to have a c-section so she didn't get her way in the end anyway lol
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:49 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • That's a tough one. I understand your position. I was there, kinda. I wanted nothing more than to have my mom in the room with my husband and I. My first was delivered without her. My second, my MIL tried to wiggle her way in claiming my mom was there for our first. Then for the 3rd, I still said no, right up until it was time to deliver and people kept harassing me. I let her in because I didn't care anymore. I was just frustrated and refused to let anything ruin the birth of my child. That was the way I chose to deal with it. After he was born, my MIL was diagnosed with a brain tumor and was unable to attend the birth of my 4th child due to surgery. It was very sad. I love my MIL, so I want her to experience as much joy in her life as possible. So, for our 5th, I made sure she was able to be there when our baby was born. I guess it is all up to the relationship you have with your MIL.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 11:51 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If you love and respect your MIL, I would urge you to reconsider. However, if not, stick to your guns. It is your special time. It is not inconsiderate to want to celebrate this moment with only your husband. Just make sure that people know it is only because you want that special bonding time with only your husband and your new baby and that other people can come by to visit later. That way feelings don't get hurt.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 11:52 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • "personally i think its wierd that you dont want your mother in there. i would never not let my mother be in the delivery room with me. she was in there when i was born, and she will be in there when her grandchildren are born. thats a once in a life time experience and it doesnt take away from you and your DH, it adds to the experience. if your MIL is good to you, you should allow her in too. when my son grows up, if his wife tells me i cant be in the room, i will never think of her the same and i will be so upset and disappointed that i missed out on the birth of my grandchild and i will be even upset if my daughter did that to me. i think you need to stop being so selfish. its not all about you and what you want."

    That may be one of the most ignorant and hurtful responses I've ever received on CM.

    I am a private person and just want my husband in there. She wasn't there when I made the kid, was that selfish of me???
    Sara.Robyson

    Comment by Sara.Robyson (original poster) at 11:53 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I didn't want anyone but my DH in the delivery room and nobody was there---we were in the AirForce and never had family with us. My MIL would NEVER want to be in or near the delivery room...LOL...and I am sure my Mom woudn't either. Actually, my DH didn't want to be there either. So...I was in there wth the Doctor and nurses only. Haha. It was kind of fun though because we just talked and laughed between my contractions and it was a breeze!
    I don't know about the rest of you but I think if you decided some people could not be there with you, I think they would have hurt feelings so you will have to be very gentle with them.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 11:54 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • it was just DH in the DR
    SunShineMoMM

    Answer by SunShineMoMM at 11:55 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • My MIL drove me crazy about this! I told her that my mom wasn't coming & that I only wanted it to be me & dh. She kept insisting we call her the minute I went into labor so she could drive up. I kept telling her that I was scheduled for a c section & refused to give her the date or time! I ended up going into labor 2 days before my c section & I told hubby that if he called & told her I'd make him walk to the hospital! If you don't want her there then don't let her bully her way in. Just like it was your day when you got married its your kid!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 11:55 AM on Jul. 29, 2010

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