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How do you deal with a child a year behind everything? =s

My son Gavin is 3 years old and had tubes put in when he was 20 months old. We did not know he was parshally deaf until he was 18 months old. He did not start walking until he was 2 1/2 and did not start talking until about 10 months ago. He is supposed to go to pre k on Aug 20th and he is not potty trained yet, What should I do, Keep him home another year or try and force him to learn to go potty? The doctors say he is a year behind in everything so I am wondering should I leave him home one more year and let him learn potty training all his own or make him learn so he can go to school?

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Beccah2

Asked by Beccah2 at 3:42 PM on Jul. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would just hold him back a year rather than cause him the stress of trying to catch up to his peers. Good luck Mommy. I am sure you have been doing your best for him and he's lucky to have you :)
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 3:45 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • He can go to school now. Because he is 3, your local school district is responsible for educating him starting now. Call the administration office & ask to speak to the special education dept. Tell them that you have a child with special needs (hearing impairment & delayed). The school is responsible for evaluating him & providing him with an IEP (Individual Education Plan) that specifies the accomodations, services & supports that the school will provide in order make it possible for your son to both attend public school & benefit from his education. Please look up special education laws for your state, as well as IDEA, ADA, FERPA and IEPs. Feel free to contact me here on CM if you need more help.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 3:48 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I think I would keep him back another year. It won't benefit him to go now and always be behind and struggling. Work with him the best you can in the next year to get him ready- good luck!!
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 3:48 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • THere is no harm in waiting an extra year. I waited an extra year with my twin boys. They weren't behind like yours. But, they just didn't seem quite ready yet. I put them in pre-K at 4 and again at 5. They were more mature and developmentally ready when they went to kindergarten at 6. Oddly enough, all our friends with boys the same age, did the same thing. None of us knew the other did it till it was done. LOL. We are all glad we did. My boys are now seniors in high school. And, I am still glad I waited. They didn't have to struggle trying to keep up with the curriculum. Yet they weren't so mature theat they were passing everyone else. It worked out just right. Even they think so. Pushing/forcing them to "mature" or "catch up" will not be good for them in the long run. And may have an opposite effect than what you wanted. We get such a short time to develop our kids into good young adults. What's one more year?
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 3:50 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • my son is turning 3 in NOV and isn't potty trained.. I know tons of kids that aren't potty trained by 3 - do they basically refuse to teach someone who can't go to the potty? just curious.. seems odd.. I would think that would be a great thing for him to help him get on track
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:55 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • why is he not getting any special education/early intervention services?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 3:59 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If he is behind in most things he will also be behind in potty training. You can't make him learn before he is truly ready. It could be very stressful for him and you. I would hold him back from school this year but ask if anything is available through your public school system as far as developmental specialists working with him etc. It doesn't hurt to ask and find out what help might be available. We considered holding back our youngest and finally decided not to. It was a big mistake. In the end he did fine, but he should have been held back. And he did not have any of the issues you are faced with. Best wishes.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 4:04 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If he's not ready, then he is not ready. Not all children develop "on schedule." It's not mandatory to attend pre k or any preschool program. I believe you have until age 7 to enroll your child in school. You can request assistance through an early on program that will send someone to your house to work with him.

    Personally, I wouldn't think of sending my kids to preschool until 4 years of age. At 3 he really isn't behind yet.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 7:04 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I would keep him with you. Early education can be really hard on a child who is significantly behind. My son was just under 4 the first time he told me he was stupid. He felt out of place for not knowing what the other kids knew and I really feel that it has affected his confidence going forward. Also, I am a firm believer in children learning at their own pace, let him work out the potty training situation and just sit back and enjoy him growing and just be a support to him. He is going to learn and eventually won't be behind anymore. Good luck. I know that it is a tough call.
    mama51005

    Answer by mama51005 at 9:22 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

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