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My 1yr old is acting out since his dad left to Iraq! HELP!

I knew that it was possible for my son to act a fool once he realized that daddy isnt coming home for awhile! BUT I wasnt expecting for him to be a total 'problem' type of child. He wont listen, He hits, kicks, he used to bite (He has gotten past that thank goodness) He has temper tantrums at the drop of a dime. He screams like Im doing something awful to him and my neighbors are so nosey any time they hear someone crying they make a complaint to the office. Hes either having a screaming fit or just whines about every thing. I try every thing except cuddles (He has bad seperation anxiety) and he still screams. i thought maybe he felt insecure that his dady is gone so he clings to me but Im trying to help him be more independant. I feel like such a bad mother I cant get my child under control.Ive cried almost every nite since my husband left bc I just have no clue how to handle this deployment with my son! Thanx <

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Asked by Sweetiemama717 at 1:01 PM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (5)
  • It's gotta be hard to be a single mom through such a rough time. You're just gonna have to ignore your neighbors for one! It is none of there business. You need to be firm with your son and consistency is the key. Your son is not only acting out because the lack of an important authority figure but because things are different and his Daddy is not around. Don't be one of those parents that disciplines by saying "wait until your father gets home!" He needs to listen and respect you whether he is or isnt around. Do special things with him that would normally include his father. Talk about him and look at pics on a regular basis and maybe you can even get an militarty doll or some kind of toy that you can associate with his father (let him pick it out). It may give him some comfort. He's still young but if your consistent with discipline then he'll get it. He just needs time.

    Answer by Steph319 at 1:15 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • i understand what you mean, my husband has been over in iraq for a year now and my oldest is still getting suspended from school and now that he knows that his daddy is coming home soon he is acting out more. my middle child isn't as hard as my older one, but he still acts out and i have had calls from the school several times this year. my little one really doesn't understand or knows what is going on so it isn't much of a hassle with him right now. but the thing is is when i actually keep them calm is when we take walks and go out places and do things as a family it makes them feel more secure and i have been trying to keep a schedule and it has been helping out a little more too. my oldest has some acu's and when he really misses his dad he puts them on before school. so it is easy to tell when he is going to have a really bad day or not. i know this might not have helped, but if you need anything else just pm me :)

    Answer by meliscool72 at 2:33 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • My sil is having the same problem since my brother when back over too. She has a 3 yr old and a 1 month old so she is really stressed. Something else you can do is give him daddy's shirt or soemthing that smells like daddy and tell him he can sleep with it at night but he has to be good. and make tell him that daddy wants him to take care of it until he gets home. I know his only one but maybe it will help. Kids understand alot more then adults give them credit for. Hope this helps and message me if you need to talk.

    Answer by EJsHottMama at 3:57 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Keep lots of pics of his daddy around and if you haven't yet get the elmo dvd from military one source PM me if you need the phone number. Do the special things that his daddy did play the same games or read the same books. Talk about his daddy and how his daddy misses him too. It's gonna take some time for you son to get used to his father being gone.

    Answer by at 4:05 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Poor guy, he's probably doing all of the things you wish you could do! I think consistency is key. He needs his routines to know what to expect to be secure. And firm discipline when he does act out. That is part of the consistency. As far as the not wanting to cuddle to keep him from having the separation anxiety, make that part of the routine, so he knows that he can count on cuddle time from you as well, just at certain times Good luck to both of you, tell his daddy "Thank you" from all of us over here! I don't know how you military families do it, but I sure do appreciate those of you that do it!

    Answer by chillemi78 at 10:33 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

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