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2 Bumps

I have a question for you step parents out there....

Is there a way that I can reduce the amount of text or calls that their mother calls or texts us? I know part of the state law and it says that the boys only have to talk to their mother 2 times a week. Well we are trying to put time lines on when she can call. Meaning any where from 8am until 8pm. But cant talk to the boys after 630pm because we have to get them ready for bed, we have a routine. What can I do?

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justme581

Asked by justme581 at 9:06 PM on Jul. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 12 (707 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • she won't agree to it? did you ask her already? or maybe you could get a phone just for her to contact them and only have it turned on during the specified time frame (like a pre-paid cell phone)
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:08 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I tell my dd's bm that she can call any day of the week she wants between 5 and 7. That way I'm not sitting by the phone all day and it doesn't interfere with bedtime. She still chooses to call wed and fri at 5:30 though. The only reason I was the one telling her that is because I am responsible for her while my dh is deployed. With your dh being there, I think you should have him tell her so then it doesn't seem like "the step-mom" is trying to restrict her from her children. GL
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 9:10 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If its not in the parenting plan or somewhere legal, there's nothing you can do. All that your SO can do is ask her not to do so after that time, and if its that bad he could possibly charge her with harassment. If her texts and calls are personal and have nothing to do w the kids, well that's something your guy has to take up w her. Personally, and no offense, I would be totally miffed if my XH's wife was asking the ? you are...I don't call my X or kids like crazy but I wouldn't want their stepmom getting POd about it
    nappeal

    Answer by nappeal at 9:10 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I am the one with the kids 24/7. He works 2 jobs so I can be home with them and make sure they are taken care of. I start going to school one day a week. So I need her to pick which two days. Its just frustrating to me.
    justme581

    Comment by justme581 (original poster) at 9:11 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • If you or your guy have already told her to stop but she continues, it would seem you would just have to suck it up :( I know it would be so frustrating to have her call @ bad times but she gets that right
    nappeal

    Answer by nappeal at 9:13 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I am torn between your question..maybe because I don't know the entire story, I only know mine,lol.
    I am a step mom to 3. I can't imagine myself telling thier mother she could only call a certain number of times. But our situation may be different from yours. I don't have a problem with thier bio mom at all, she has no problem with us.
    I have a son that is my bio son and his dad and I are divorced.I really can't stand him. But I've never given him a limited amount of calles either. But he has always been respectful enough not to call too late.My son will usually call to tell him goodnight when he's about to go to bed and his dad never calls after that.Maybe you can have the kids do somethign like that? Call the same time every day to tell thier mom they are gettign ready for bed and say all therir goodnights at that time? Maybe she won't call after then. Hope I was at least a little help!:)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:13 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • For the children's sake (and for the sake of your sanity) she needs to be consistent with which days and times she calls. I'm surprised that the court didn't specify which days. They usually do this to avoid the situation that you and your husband are going through. I think your dh should talk to his lawyer and have a letter sent to her lawyer stating the days and times that are acceptable for her to call, since she can't seem to choose for herself.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 9:16 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Kimberlyinberea ~ we of course do not get along. The only reason we have time limits is because of the stuff that happened for the reason we are in this spot. I told her I wouldnt mind if we could get along. At one point it was going well. Now its not because the boys have told her they dont want to talk to her. We dont talk to about her when they are around. This is about the only place other then when SO gets home (after boys are in bed). Its a long sad story. Do I wish that there was a way to get along. I do, but I cant make it happen if I am being made the bad person. We dont let them talk to her right before bed because of the way they act. She promises things and never follows thru.
    justme581

    Comment by justme581 (original poster) at 9:18 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Have you ever attended any classes that they offer parents that are going through this type of situation? When I went through my divorce, my sons father and I both had to attend a parenting class, it was mandated by the courts..and it was really helpful for situations such as what you are describing. For one, even if a child throws a fit about talking to thier parent on the phone or even going over to thier house, the custodial parent should help the child feel comfortable and remind them that, that is still thier parent. Make the child feel comfortable not only talking to you guys but with thier mom as well. It doesnt happen over night. You can't control her broken promises..you can only be there for those kids, no matter what happens.It takes time to get to the point where I am now...(trust me!). I've had to bite my tongue so many times when my sons father stood him up..and broken promises were just the norm..(CONT)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:28 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • When they dont want to talk to her I have them at least get on there and tell her that they love her and miss her. Its a rule in my house. For the simple fact we do remind them that she is their mother. I just wish I knew someone I can talk to about whats going on.
    justme581

    Comment by justme581 (original poster) at 9:33 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

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