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What the heck to do when he just does not want the baby?

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8+ years. When finding out I was pregnant in May, he freaked and wanted me to have an abortion. Didn't go through with that, but I assumed (as everyone keeps telling me), that he would come around. Well, here it is in my 6th month of pregnancy and he is still adamant about not wanting the baby. Why the hell am I staying with him? Throughout all of this, he was about to cheat on me WHICH I CAUGHT and lost all of my self-respect for staying. Why can't I just leave? I have parents that will support me. I am at an all time low and everytime I pack my bags, like an addict, I just come back. Even though he is offering nothing. Someone? Thoughts? I need some objectivity here. Thx.

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Asked by dani2780 at 1:50 PM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (25)
  • I think I would leave! If its acting like that I would be very upset! He may come around when the baby is born but he may not. My first was not planned and although it wasn't the best timing my SO accepted it like a man and by 6mos he was exited to meet his new son:)

    Answer by hill2 at 1:52 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • We all have a pre-conceived fantasy in our heads that although a man says one thing, he means another. Everyone kept telling you he would come around, and you believed it yourself...which isn't your fault. If he is still adamant about not wanting the baby, and you are set on keeping it, you really need to move on with your life. Unless his mind changes when the baby is born, which isn't guaranteed, he will probably not be a great father figure for your child to be around anyway. The hormones don't help at all either. I was a single mother for 4 years, and honestly I would rather be a single mom than be with a man that didn't want my child.
    Good Luck!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 1:53 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Please leave this jerk and do it quickly! He wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

    Get counseling if you can. I doubt you will ever be happy with this man.


    Answer by Snowcorgi at 1:58 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • i went threw with that with my first except i was married.its hard cause u think he'll change.the best thing to do is leave and if he comes around and u truelly know he wants to be a family then go back.if u caught him almost cheating he probably already has and u just dont know about it. sometimes distance shows us whats most important. as hard as it is you need to tell him that you will be leaving and when he decides he wants to be a dad then he he'll know where to find u. trust me if a man doesn't want a baby now he probably will either draw farther apart once he/she is born or once he holds his baby it all may change. if you've been together 8yrs u should know if hes the type to come around or not.if hes not acting like a loving bfriend and being supportive i would leave at least until he changes.

    Answer by marykaysauer at 1:59 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I am sorry you are going through this.I am a single mother because my baby's dad did not want her, I left him.In almost two years I have only seen him once and he has never met our daughter.In my case, our child is better off without the dad in the picture.I hope for your sake he will come around, but if he does not, please just realize for yourself and the baby that you would be better off too.

    Answer by aleana at 2:01 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • There's 2 things you need to do before you leave.
    1) Accept that he doesn't want the baby now, and may never. Under the circumstances, He may have seemed like Mr. Right, but he's not and you're going to have to accept that in your heart and move on.
    2) Get a lawyer and go after him for child support. Like it or not, want it or not, it's his kid. You didn't force him to have sex with you, and he's gonna have to deal with the consequences wheather he wants to or not.

    Answer by Eagle85 at 2:02 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • What I do when I cant decide something is make a pros and cons list. If you see the pros of leaving are wayyyy better than staying get out then when you start having thoughts about going back look at your list to remind you of all of the reasons you left. It doesnt help that you are pregnant and having to make this decition...use the support system you have. After 8 years in a relationship you would think you had stability in a relationship, right? He should have thought about not getting you pregnant first. Even if you were on birth control there is still a risk of pregnancy. He needs to man up and take reponsibility of his child. Its too little too late now for him. And he is not a man. A man would want to be there for his wife and kids wheather he wanted the kids or not.

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 2:02 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I agree with eagle.... #2 is worded perfectly!

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 2:03 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I also agree with eagle!!!

    Please pack up and leave him ASAP, have your child in a loving enviroment, don't let him or her grow up with that loser around.

    Answer by Married2theBest at 2:34 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Eagle said it all and she said it right.

    Answer by FiveofaKind at 2:45 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

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