Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Does your DH gets mad when u console the kids after he disciplines them?

We have a set of 2 yr old twins. OMG they are the most hyper kids ever...literally cannot sit still, get into EVERYTHING! Our house is 100% childproof but they still find a way to get into things. Anyway, anytime they get spanked by DH (yes, we spank but thats not what this post is about so lets not make this about it), they come crying to me and want me to pick them up. And of course I do. But DH gets mad at me, saying that that makes him the bad guy. I do get that, and I still try to reinforce the discipline while consoling them, but he still gets mad. WHy am I supposed to do, NOT pick them up? I dont know...any advice?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Jul. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • No, but I would never do that. Even if I don't support his choice to discipline them I would never demean his authority.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:01 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Yes he would....if I did that. We present an united front.
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 10:01 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I don't console our son after he is disciplined. That would defeat the purpose.
    Erin814

    Answer by Erin814 at 10:06 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Yes he would. If a kid is in trouble, consoling them only teaches them that mom and dad do not stand together on the discipline and later they will learn how to put you and DH against each other when making decisions
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:07 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I understand what you are saying, your children are crying and your motherly instinct is telling you to console them, but you are sort of undermining him and making him look like the meanie. Try telling the kids. "I know you are upset and I love you, but you know what happens when you don't listen".
    But also, how would you feel if it were the other way around? Might you feel like he was undermining your authority?
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:07 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • It undermines his authority for you to comfortthem immediatly after getting punished. You need to firmly talk to them and support their father.
    GigantaursMommy

    Answer by GigantaursMommy at 10:09 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I would get mad at my dh if he consoled them after I disciplined them. You have to be on the same page.

    mommom2000

    Answer by mommom2000 at 10:09 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • I don't want to sound mean but imo you should not do that. When my husband spanks our kids and they go running crying (mainly because their feelings are hurt not because they are physically hurt) it breaks my heart but I also know that it is best to have my husbands back or they will play us against each other later. If I don't agree with him or what he is doing I will talk with him privately about it later and the same goes for him. Also if we put them in time out or whatever the person who put them in time out is the only one that lets them out of time out. We also go and sit down and explain to them why they got in trouble and that even though mom and dad were mad we still love them.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 10:09 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Sorry sugar but I have to agree with hubby on this. (damn, I hate agreeing with the man,lol). But its true..it does make him out to be like the bad guy. Try to figure out another method of backing your husband up on the discipline..or it will always come down to them playing the two of you against eachother..bad for parenting..bad for the marriage.
    Good Luck :)
    p.s. I know it must be hard not to pick up and cuddle a cute 2 yr when they are reaching for you for comfort...but mama...you have to resist when it comes to this!!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:11 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

  • Your DH have every reasonto get mad at you . you are undermining his authority with the children. sorry WRONG
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:14 PM on Jul. 29, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.