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2 Bumps

How do you have a visable relationship with a man who is 15yrs. older ?

Although we met Aug.93, we weren't physically involved till 1997 & could not let it be known. Because of his professional reputation, & our involvement in the educational field & coaching. Now I'm concerned what the remarks from his peers would be, other professional relationships & the lack of respect from my (2)grown sons. He's been married before & I was married for 28yrs. We both had bad relationships. I've been single since 1997. My sons were influenced by the ex & it took alot of yrs before the youngest son would have anything to do with me &although he has been married, has a daughter whom I've never met (shes 4yrs,now) he is trying to renew a relationship with me his mother. I really love this man but should I risk losing my (2)grown sons & at this stage ruining our reputations with our peers, we've almost retired. We both want to be happy or as he says make me happy. Women of all ages, please comment.

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Yellowrose0755

Asked by Yellowrose0755 at 12:19 AM on Jul. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Why in particular would your son's have a problem with you being in a relationship with a man 15 years older than you? The other people definitely don't matter. Is this about his age or about you being with a man that is not their father? I know people who have happy relationships with men much older than them.
    Desi_Momof4

    Answer by Desi_Momof4 at 12:24 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • VISABLE??? DO you mean VIABLE???
    Visable means that it is somethng you can see as in "The tornado cloud was VISABLE to us all".\
    A viable relationship with a man who is older is not such a bad thing. If neither of you are married, why would anyone object? I see no problem at all.Your kids will adjust. If you are happy, they should be happy for you.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 12:24 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Ahhhhhh, I just caught on....VISABLE as in people knowing you have a relationship...seeing you together! Go for it. YOU deserve to be happy.
    gertie41

    Answer by gertie41 at 12:26 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Well, I am one of the few out there who frankly does not give a .... what ANYONE thinks. I would have been open about the relationship as soon as it became intimate, regardless of anyone's feelings (YES especially my children). If you choose not to love or even care about me because of my life choices, that is your problem and not mine. I refuse to pretend for ANYONE!!
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 12:26 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • BTW, my SO is 14 years older than I.
    truthteller0722

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 12:28 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I had an uncle that was 15 yrs older than his wife, but all of there children were grown. Why would this affect your children, if they are not living with you, you can still have a life. It doesn't necessarily mean they you're going to throw them off to the side. They will always be your children no matter what. Don't you think you need some happiness in your life?
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:45 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I'm not seeing the problem. If your children can't respect your desire for happiness then that's just sad. As adults they should realize that's important in life and it has nothing to do with your love for them. As for peers, it's none of their business but again if they can't be happy for you then crap on them. Live your life open and happy. Life is too short to live in fear of what others think
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:29 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I don't think that's so much of a difference in age. Demi Moore is 16 years older than Ashton. Do what makes you happy.
    chocaholic888

    Answer by chocaholic888 at 1:46 AM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I'm not really sure how to answer but my husband is 13 years older than me his 2 sons are 16 and 10 I'm 22 the 16 year old is great loves and respects me 100%the 10 yr old is influenced by his mother who quit calling me a child after she figured out I can handle her son better tha she can lol but since we moved in together our attitude has been we're happy together and if you don't like it to bad how would you like it if we criticized you about what makes you happy ? his step mom doesn't like me at all but she quickly figured out I don't care to speak my mindto her or anyone else and has become much more civilized now lol
    do what makes you happy if someone else doesn't like it they aren't happy in their lives not your problem to deal with it's theirs
    msh88

    Answer by msh88 at 6:42 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Honestly, when you're thinking of your relationship with your sons, too...it makes the question more difficult. If you didn't have children - go for it....you need to be happy, too!! Obviously your sons know about the relationship - as far as colleagues, who cares?? They don't have any say whatsoever in whom you decide to spend the rest of your life with. They'll adjust!! My SO is only 2 years older than I am, but I wouldn't have cared if he was 22 years older, I love him because he's him. That's all that matters to me!! You 2 aren't in high school anymore where 15 years is a HUGE difference!! You're older, out of high school, out of college, age is JUST A NUMBER!!!!!! I think you need to have some one on one time with your sons & explain why you want to be with this man. If they don't like it, just let them know that you'll always be there for them, no matter what, & they can make their own decisions. Good luck!! Enjoy life!!
    mama_of5

    Answer by mama_of5 at 10:26 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

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