Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

what do i do?

I have been married for five years . we have been having really bad problems for a long while. lately I have been having thoughts of a guy that i was involved with before i got married. I really cared about him and during our "fling" he found out that i had gotten back with my hubby, then BF and that we were getting married and he called me n told to make sure that this is what I wanted.

after that i ran into him a year later and he just spilled out all of his feelings for me and said he had to let me know even though i was married. was 3 years ago and i recently ran into him on myspace and found out he was married but not very happy. im thinking about this guy constantly. i never gave him a chance because i thought he would just hurt me like any other guy. would it be right to contact him just to say hi.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:43 PM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • if you want to start something with this guy---end your marriage first. how would you feel if it was your husband thinking about hooking up with an ex?

    Answer by pam228 at 2:46 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Contacting him will most likely only cause more problems for you. I made the mistake of keeping in contact with someone and know now it was not the right thing to do. If you are done with your current relationship and decide to move on you need a clean break first otherwise you are hurting the one you love, or have loved, and that is not fair. I always think to myself, would I be upset if he did this, and if the answer is yes, don't do it!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:47 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I wouldn't contact him. You have to evaluate your relationship and make sure that it is not worth trying at. You also need to be sure that your not just thinking about your ex because your unhappy in your current relationship. We do that all of the time. Coulda, shoulda woulda. If you are truly unhappy then you need to do things the right way and get a divorce. If this other guy is ok with you cheating on your husband then maybe you don't want someone with low morals. If you two are meant to be then it will happen. Don't rush things. Also, if you have kids you really need back off. You don't want to be the reason they're mommy and daddy split up. (they'll find out whether it's their business or not) You are there role model and need to be mature about the situation. Good luck!

    Answer by Steph319 at 2:50 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I think contacting him would be a mistake. He is married, even if it is unhappy. You are married also. . .

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 3:23 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • You don't need the distraction if you are trying to save your marriage at all. Also, consider his wife. It wouldn't be fair to her.

    Answer by texann at 4:13 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • grass always looks greener when you don't have to mow it....point = other men that you have known before sometimes seem great when things at home are rocky. Remember that living with a guy every day and dealing with marriage stuff isn't always easy and it could very well be the same with the former bf. Work out whatever problems you have at home or they will continue even if you get back with the first guy. We can learn and grow from our relationships. Don't pedal backwards if you just need to fine tune what's at home. Plus, he might be worse to actually live with than hubby!

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:17 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Nope. Wouldn't be right. Vows are vows, and you should keep them. The mind is a funny thing. You can make it stop thinking the wrong kinds of thoughts. Every time you think of the old guy, you have the power to shut her down and start thinking about your husband. The real secret to being happy is to concentrate all your time, energy, and efforts into making your spouse happy. As long as it's all about me, you ain't never going to be happy. Something else will always look better.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:20 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • girl, do not contact him. I had the same problem for awhile. ti's the case of " i am not happy, did I make the right choice......what if". You chose your hubby for a reason. think about those things and then talk with yoru hubby about what needs to change in order for both of you to be happy again.

    Answer by Sherry6470 at 4:23 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I am not always in -love with my hubby, but I have to remember that I do love him and that I made a commitment for a reason. You are not always going to feel good about everything. marriage is somehitng you have to work at and be creative with. you would not want your hubby to seek out a past love, imagine how you would feel. please, just try and let it go. I know that is hard (been there) but you can do it and stay true to your hubby. there is such a thing as emotional adultry. (been there too) I promise I am not judging, but speaking out of expirence. things will be better than ever if you both work together for this marriage. good luck and God Bless!

    Answer by Sherry6470 at 4:23 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.