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Is it possible that in-laws can drive you to a divorce? I have a very manipulative controlling m-i-l and i feel im at my witts end with her and her favortism over my step son and my two younger boys?! HELP PLEASE

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • I think it is your husbands place to put her in hers, what does he say?
    cakright

    Answer by cakright at 2:40 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Yes. If the couple in question allows them to.

    No on can come between a married couple or cause division/tension/issues/wedges between a married couple, if the couple themselves does not open themselves up to that.

    However someone else chooses to behave/act, is out of our control. How we choose to respond/react to them, is totally in our control.

    How you react and feel about your MIL, is totally in your control. No one elses. You either allow her to drive you off a cliff. Or you don't.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:41 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • yes i think so cuz you get so tired of the MIL that you want to leave the hubby but dnt let her win im in the same boat shes a pain in the ass but i will not let her get the best of me!
    13liz13

    Answer by 13liz13 at 2:42 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • He's even noticed it but says shes "set in her ways". we are even seeing a counselor over this....n she says he needs to set boundaries for her...for example xmas birthdays....my step son will have 20 gifts n my younger 2 might have 1 or 2 gifts a piece...he also gets "special" time with her...and my younger two have never had that..the mother is not in the pic...but ive raised him since he was 6 mo old....n treated him LIKE my very own...but she wont allow us to have the bond that we should....he even calls me mommy....i am soooo over this special treatment....he gets everything the younger two gets from me...EVERYTHING.
    HOTMOMS23

    Answer by HOTMOMS23 at 2:45 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • We've been married 6 years and i think he's allowed her to have too much control of our lives...so its hard to not respond or think well if i just leave everyone will be happier....shes even said i took him from her...Thats completely sick ..ugh! I will never treat my boys in this manner when they get older....its so enabling!
    HOTMOMS23

    Answer by HOTMOMS23 at 2:49 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • A divorce should only occur when things aren't working between you and your husband, not when things aren't working between you and your MIL. If anyone has to put her in her place, it's your husband. I'm so sorry that you have an irritating MIL. I wish I would've had the chance to know my MIL, but she passed away when my DH was 15 (we didn't meet until he was 26). Good luck and I hope it all gets better soon.
    poptart0325

    Answer by poptart0325 at 2:52 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • your right poptart0325...i believe my husband is allowing it to happen its not all her....he allows her to do these things that he knows is wrong....and then responds with "shes set in her ways"
    HOTMOMS23

    Answer by HOTMOMS23 at 2:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • This Happened in my family too, I had a horrible MIL deceased now, but this sounds more like what I heard from my mother about my grandmother (dad's mom) when we were little. She said it was so horrible it would break her heart how she would show favoritism between grand-kids. It shouldn't drive you to divorce... But maybe when your hubby married you he was also marring your son and agreeing for better or worse he would be there to love, protect, unconditionally! Just because your hubby has a biological children now doesn't mean he gets to neglect his commitment he made to his son and to you for that matter. I don't see how he can allow his mother to treat him differently. I would sit down, without the kids, and call her out on it. Just say if she want to continue to do that then your simply not going to allow this to go on and start being really busy every time she wants to see the kids. And as for hubby make it clear CONT

    Topgunmommy

    Answer by Topgunmommy at 2:57 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • As for hubby make it clear that FAMILY doesn't treat children that way. And if he tries sticking up for "mom" simply stay ok sweetheart why don't you go marry your mother and I will go find a real man that knows the meaning of a child and sensitivity and Family. That would just break my heart to see someone deliberately be mean to one of my babies!
    Topgunmommy

    Answer by Topgunmommy at 3:05 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Thanks for the answers guys! Topgunommy we've tried that but shes says its her Perogitive to spoil her "GRANDSON" and im like but you also have 2 others?!?!?! This was also something her mother did..Her mother had 6 girls...and my husband and and siblings got put to the side while his grandmothers favored his cousins...so my MIL knows how this feels to a child.why would she do the same thing?! Its soo frustrating....and depressing
    HOTMOMS23

    Answer by HOTMOMS23 at 3:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

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