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what can i do if it goes in one ear and out the other?

my MIL constantly critisizes and comments on my parenting choices...the latest battle is on weaning my son he is 15 months and i am strongly against him still having a bottle so far ive weaned him down to his bedtime bottle and hes great about it. well when i told my MIL that there wont be any more naptime bottle she says" why do you torture your son your suppose to make him comfortable alex (my bf) had his bebe until he was almost 6" its not just that though its every desicion i make. when i tell her its my son she ignores me and does everything we say not to. she has helped us out alot but does that make it ok for her to constantly critisize?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • She probably doesn't mean to criticize but thinks she is being helpful. All you need do is thank her for her concern and her suggestions. You don't have to argue with her about your decisions nor do you have to do what she says. She probably just wants to be helpful, so it's not that hard to just say to her that you appreciate that she wants to help you by giving you advice. It doesn't make either one of you any better or worse than the other. It just means that you have disagreeing opinions. Nothing wrong with that. You can just agree to disagree, and you don't even have to tell her that.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:46 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I took my daughter's bottle away as soon as she could walk. To me it is dangerous to walk around with something always in your mouth. I saw more of my friends kids mess up their front teeth from falling with a bottle in their mouth or always having something in their mouths period.
    My daughter thought sippy cups were fun because the teletubbies had some.
    tryin2BGOOD

    Answer by tryin2BGOOD at 4:47 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Just don't share anything with her that you don't want her to know about. It's not her business. You aren't torturing your son good grief. Pediatricians and dentists recommend weaning off the bottle at 1 year. And they should not be having a bottle at nap or bedtime anyway (unless it's just water).

    I sometimes feel indebted to my MIL for all the help she's giving us in the past (mostly financially--though not as much as her other two sons because we don't ask as often as they do) but it doesn't give her any right to dictate what we do. We pick and choose what details of our lives to tell her. She can make all the comments she wants, but we don't have to listen to her.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 4:47 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I would have a serious talk with her. Tell her that this is your family and you value her part in it but you need her to be more supportive of you and her son so that you can be the best parent's you possibly can.
    With my first my mil would say some things that would not sit well with me, she wasen't awful but something did bother me. I have 3 kids now and she tells me what a wonderful job I'm doing as a mother. I guess she just figured out herself that she needed to be supportive, it opened up our relationship more too.
    My mom would give me grief if she felt I was being too hard on the kids, even if it was something as simple as a time out for hitting. I told her one day that it's not easy for me to give the kids time outs or disipline them but I feel it's necessary and would appreciate her support and that if she couldn't stop making me feel worse about disipline then it would make spending time with her more difficult
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 4:48 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • My best advice is: IGNORE HER DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE HER. Just like you ignore a whining child IGNORE HER. she will eventually stop. It takes a little time, but it WILL work. You DO NOT have to discuss the issue, HE IS YOUR BABY, not hers.

    She will "GET OVER IT". If not, one less thing you have to deal with. She needs to LET YOU be the mother.

    Enjoy your time with your baby, they grow up so fast.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 4:53 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Then there is nothing in between ....
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 5:00 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • When my MIL still talked to us she was very similar to this. My eldest is autistic and we would be very specific to make things smooth for my ds (and her) but she would feed him junk all weekend when she kept him and disrupted schedules he was used to. She always criticized us and blamed my ds's condition on "my lack of discipline" with him. I won't go into detail but my dh was abused by her as a child. So I don't take that too seriously. I wish I had some advice to help you, but I always bit my tongue to make my dh's life easier. But once pregnant with my 2nd I was intolerant of her ways and we lost contact not long after. I think you should maybe address her nicely about it or just simply say "I value your input, but --- is my child and his pediatrician and I feel this is the best way to handle it. GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Your spouse needs to intervene. He needs to remind his mother that she had her turn at parenting, and now it is your turn.

    My MIL went ape**** because I breastfed, because I breastfed more than a year, because we didn't use a pediatrician, because we didn't feed our daughter meat, and on and on.

    I argue with my family, my spouse deals with his.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:58 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

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