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Baby #4, mom thinks I shouldn't and that bother's me.

My 3rd child is 2.4 and I think it would be nice to have another. After my last was born my mom said so you're done now right. Not question but more of a statement. I'm not sure if I'm done, I never thought I'd have more than 2 kids but I love being a mom. We are not trying to have anymore but if it happens then that's great! If not then we don't. She jokingly said that if she was the first to hold the babies after me and dh then free babysitting. Now she says that if we have anymore then the free babysitting is off the table. She says it lightly and tries to sound jokinly about it. I know it's her way to tell me she dosen't think it would be a good idea because I had depression with my last and it's still an issue today. It bothers me though and I have said to her so you would withold your love from your grandchildren? She dosen't like when I say that but it bothers me.
Why does she get to decided if I'm done?

 
AmandaH321

Asked by AmandaH321 at 5:11 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,472 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • Its not her decision in the end. But I think she sees you having issues....like the depression, and worry that another one may be too much for you.

    She is just being your mother. lol....Seems like our mothers cant stop even after we are grown.

    Try to let her talk, tell her you understand her concerns and you are thinking about them, and then choose your own path :)
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 5:19 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • WOW. I would just do what I and SO want. It is NOT a decision she should be making. You and SO are a COUPLE, not a "TRIO"!

    Good luck.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 5:13 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It should not be the choice of anyone else if you continue to have children. There was a time in my life when I worried about others reactions. We had a scary labor and delivery and I hemmhoraged, everyone was set against us having anymore kids, so we had a vasectomy. The minute we did it we knew it wasn't what we wanted. We saved and prayed and God provided us a way to have a vasectomy reversal. In our time when we were saving money he showed us passages and things in the Bible that told us that we should let him have control of our fertility. We had a reversal and we are pregnant. We will not use BC anymore and if we get pregnant then we will be estatic and if we don't then we will trust God. I think the best thing you can do is trust God. If he gives you more then he will work out everything else :-) Good Luck. Children are such a blessing.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 5:13 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I think she's concerned. 1) Your depression issues probably concern her. 2) The babysitting crack is her way of telling you she doesn't think she can handle 4 children at one time. She's not deciding that you are done, she's telling you she's concerned about you.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • i dont think shes making any decision for you. shes your mother and shes just give you her opinion because she loves you. maybe you should talk it out with her. if you have depression issues, she might be right.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 5:19 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • layh41407 That's pretty much what I think in how she's telling me and why. But it still bother's me that she says these things. Every now and then I tell her I'm late (my period is never normal) and I do this to see if she'll still say the same thing. She does, it sucks. What if I do get pregnant I'll have her negative comments marking such an occasion.
    AmandaH321

    Comment by AmandaH321 (original poster) at 5:19 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Don't you just love that when folks TELL their children what they want? I dealt with that plenty in my pro-creating days. I settled it in my mind and heart early on that this is MY life, and I will accept them, but they will have to accept ME and MY choices about my life if they want to be a part of it. No more free babysitting? Fine. It will be their loss for missing out on the new blessing. (Chances are they still will - what are they really going to do...reject a new baby? I don't think so...). You can still be the friend/daughter you are, but set up some boundaries in a loving manner, that you are not taking a poll about how to run your life. These are decisions for you and your S/O alone. Accept her "advice" in the spirit offered, but I would tell my mom and MOL, "You know, I'm not really sure right now. I just really love being a mom!" and left it at that, or changed the subject.
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 5:38 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It sounds like your mom may be concerned for your mental health and she's probably concern for her own health. She says no more free babysitting? does that mean she takes care of your LO's? That may be enough responsability for her and adding another one may be too stressful. I think it's right what everyone is saying, family planning shouldn't be up to no one else except for you and your SO, however with your mom making these comments specially pertaining to the care of your children if it were me I would also start considering an alternative option for care if and when you have another child, then she wouldn't have anything to hold against you. I am sure she loves your current kids and she will love the ones to come.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 6:08 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It's not her decision how many kids you have GEEZ. if she wants to be a grandparent, she will but it's pretty crappy of her to try to manipulate you into her way of thinking with the free-babysitting thing... tell her this isn't china and that if she wants to have a relationship with her grandchildren it would be best to leave out differences of opinion between you and her.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 7:37 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • My mom wanted me done after my 3rd, simply for my sake - having enough time to myself to get things done and not be too stressed out. I just had #5. My mom was a little upset when I got pregnant with my 4th and then my 5th, but she got over it when she realized what was done was done. She can't handle all 5 of mine at one time, I wouldn't expect her to! but she does help out when/where she can.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 8:15 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

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