Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

IYPO..

In your personal opinion I want to know what you think of me and the choice I made. This is something that I constantly get judged on by one of my ex friends and even though we don't talk anymore I am constantly hearing the he said she said crap about how I am a horrible mom.

Anyway, in 2007 my first son was born and we quickly found out that he had spinal meningitis. After months in the hospital everything kept getting worse and worse and then we found that he has Mitochondrial disease as well. This is a disease that cause a deficiency of oxygen to your muscle which allows you muscles to work (on a short note). My son will be 3 in October and he says a few words, he doesn't walk, he doesn't sit up, he doesn't crawl, and he eat through a g-tube, as well as has a special diet due to severe seizures. He has 8 therapists that he see's weekly and it currently take 3 people around the clock to care for him. *more in comment

Answer Question
 
vampiremommy1

Asked by vampiremommy1 at 5:34 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,228 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am so sorry that you have to go through this. You are strong.
    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 5:37 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Sorry I ran out of room! So anyway, my husband is in the military and I knew that it wouldn't be a stable environment to always be moving around. It is best for him to be close to the hospital where all his drs are, and to keep the therapists that have always been with him. I also knew that he wouldn't get the best care with me because he needs more than one person caring for him. So I decided in 2008 to let my grandparents and mother, who are all retired, care for him. I have been treated like shit over this decision ESP since having my 7 month old. This girl says I had another baby to replace my son, but it isn't true. I was on BC and was devastated when I tested positive. Do you think I am a horrible mother as the ex friend claims for the decision that I made regarding the care of my first born?
    vampiremommy1

    Comment by vampiremommy1 (original poster) at 5:38 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • No, I don't think youre a horrible mother. I think you did what you felt was best for your child and thats what good moms are supposed to do. Sometimes we have to make really hard decisions and sometimes we will second guess ourselves for them. Don't worry about what anyone else says. Until she has walked in your shoes, she has no right to judge.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:42 PM on Jul. 30, 2010


  • I do not think you are a horrible mother. It is hard having a child with disabilities like this. As long as YOU know what you did was in the best interest of your child, you should just ignore others.

    And please, do not feel guilty for having another child.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 5:46 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • you're not a horrible mother...you did what you felt was best for your son...and you didn't think he would have the best moving around with military moves. it's not like you stopped loving him, and it's not like you're just throwing him into foster care or something...your letting your family care for him,..and letting him stay where he has been, with the docs he knows, is truely probably for the best. you don't know if he would be under any stress getting used to a new place, with new people or not.

    on the ex friend note,..ignore her. don't let this get you down..you know the inside scoop on what's going on in your life, and they probably don't. it's always a little funny how people can criticize your parenting decisions and styles, but flip out the minute you insult them.

    again, you are a good mom, and do what you feel is best for your family..regardless of what (ex) friends say..
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 5:47 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Sometimes being a Mom is the hardest job on Earth. Making choices that will effect your child and his care is up to you and his doctors. I bet that she-devil has never faced such a choice as you had to make. I am happy you feel your son is in a stable place with constant care. Hugs.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 5:55 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Joeygoat: She claims she knows what it would be like because her son had GERD. She said that she wouldn't even allow her child to be in the hospital when he gets sick if he had a fatal diagnosis (like my son) because she thinks what is most important is that your child gets to experience life without being poked and prodded all the time.

    Anyway, I feel I made the best decision for him. His doctors gave him until 1 year old to live and he is almost 3. I feel he has made it this far because of my family and the love and care he gets.
    vampiremommy1

    Comment by vampiremommy1 (original poster) at 6:12 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I will never understand anyone who could think a person a horrible mother when she does what is best for the child. I'm glad you love him so much that you did what you had to do to ensure he gets the help and care he needs. I will admit I am a bit concerned what happens when your grandparents and mom are no longer able to care for him, but I am sure that being the loving mother you are you have a back-up plan ready.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:50 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • 2autisticsmom: Actually yes. My husband and I have decided that when the time comes we will first see where we are and what our current lifestyle is like and whether it would be in his best interest to take him or not. If we decide that it is not in his best interest he will go with his God parents (my aunt and uncle) who are both very involved in his life, they are financially responsible and set for life, and my aunt is a physical therapist for special needs children.
    vampiremommy1

    Comment by vampiremommy1 (original poster) at 7:56 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Honestly, the best choice you can make is to give the child the best he can get! You made a choice that was hard, and smart! You are a wonderful mother, and you suffered by being seperated from him, so that he would be stable, comfortable and stress free! I am religious, so in my opinion, you earned your key to the pearly gate! Let God judge you, not "them" or me or anyone else! Congrats on the new baby!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 4:35 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
What shows...

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
update adult content

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN