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step parenting....

So my 4 1/2 yo step son was supposed to come over today. My husband went to pick him up and once again he is screaming

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:25 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • if this is the way you were going to handle it, then maybe you shouldnt have married him at all. you knew he had a child already and now your saying you want to leave him and take his other two children because oh there 2 year old brother? i mean, really, come on.

    i think what you need to do, is you should probably not be involved in too much of the disciplining, IMO you should never be doing the face to face disciplining, but atleast not now while hes feeling this way. if you want a say in his discipline, then say it to your husband when hes not around, but let your husband relay it to him. its not easy haveing step parents - i had a stepmom & a stepdad, and i was pissed that they just came to life and thought all of the sudden they could just tell me what the hell to do. i just think it causes more problems then its worth. if its not about control, then step back.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:28 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I think you are doing the right thing by treating him the same way as your own kids. I would tell your DH hnd his ex that if he can not abide by the same rulles as your own kids. He can just stay at home and your DH will visit him over their.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:30 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • louise, that is the most immature thing i have ever heard someone say.
    this kid is 4 years old and thats his father.
    grow up

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:31 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It sounds like there is more going on here. Like bio-mom is brainwashing him to not want to come over because of step-mom. DON'T take it to heart!! How does he act once BM is gone and it's just you guys? I am not saying all BMs are bad, but some do work very hard to make their kids believe what they want. What does your DH think? How long have you been married? Give me a little more background and maybe I can help. I have the most evil BM to deal with, but finally after 8years things are pretty peaceful. BMs don't like the idea of their kids liking another mom figure and some will do anything and everything to make life impossible for you. Don't give up!!

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 8:33 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I wouldnt give up your family over it. I know it hurts right now. Kids that age have a hard time understanding a lot of things. Talk to your dh, see how he wants to handle the situation.It would be helpful for dad to sit with his son with you and talk to him.Have dad ask questions like, what is it about coming over that upsets you so much?What can we do to help make it easier for you? Both of you tell him that you love him very much and would be really sad if he didn't come over anymore.
    With time and with everyone working together on will come together.Just keep calm and patient about it.Try not to take offense to the boys words, he's just a little boy and is not capable of understanding how to cope with his feelings.
    Dad should continue to bring him to the house on a regular basis..wether his son wants to or not. I'm sure once he gets there and you guys talk to him, things will smooth out as the weekend goes on.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 8:33 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I never will understand HOW people think that step kids need to be treated special.

    Answer by ryanlynn at 8:42 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • There should be the same rules for all the kids in the house. step kids should not have special rules. Trust me the other kids in the house will resent the parent and the step kid if that happens.

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:47 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I meant some BMs I am not referring to all BMs by anymeans.

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 8:50 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I have now been on both sides of this issue and I tell you what, its not easy for anybody! The kids have lost a parent through divorce. They might live in a low income area and when they go to dads its like a palace that they can never truly call home. The step-mom is trying to juggle work, small children, the house. she never gets a break from it. I was that step-mom, and while the bio mom was out partying on her weekends off, I was juggling my two kids and my steps. I used to pick them up after work and drive them all the way back to our brand new house. It was hard on them, it was hard on us, Its not easy blending a family, but it is possible. Step back and take the emotion out of it. He is four years old. Let dad be the main disciplinarine here, its so important to get this right now. My steps are grown and married now, they still call me...Im divorced now, I have had to deal with ex's gf's too...learn as you go hon,,,

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It kills me when people think that a child will have NO reaction to their parents breaking up their home, and then one, or both, parents start a new family in a home where frequently they are made to feel like an outsider or a visitor. WTF did you THINK would happen? I admit it, I have no tolerance for this.

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 10:20 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

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