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Has anyone here ever given a child up for adoption? adult content

My dd was a victim of date rape and we gave the child up for adoption. It was the best thing for my dd and for our family. We do not believe in abortion. Even though I know my 'grandson' is loved and very well cared for, I still have this nagging feeling like I was giving away a puppy. Is that a natural feeling?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:14 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • OP, please do not let Purpulbutterfly get to you. She haunts this site and says mean things to any woman who considers adoption or who has placed a child for adoption. I have seen her advocate abortion over adoption.

    It sounds like your daughter made the decision, and you supported her. You did what any good mom would do. Do you have an open adoption to any degree at all? His adoptive family is truly his family, but you are truly his family as well. He is your grandson, even if you have no contact. Nothing will ever change that. I am an adoptive mom, and I know that my kids' birthmoms still love them and hurt because they are not raising them, but they still believe they made the best decision they could make at the time.

    Just continue to be there for your daughter, and don't be surprised if she still struggles with this over the years. That is normal. Praying for you and your health!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:30 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Yes. And it will probably never go away.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 9:17 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Yes, you will likely have an emotional scar the rest of your days. but hold it in your heart that he is well loved and cared for , being raised by a good family. I gave my 12 year old up for adoption shortly after his birth to a lovely wonderful couple. it hurts, i stil miss all that could have been. but i know he has a good life.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 9:21 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Well, I am a birthmom, but I did not "give up" my child - I place her. The term "giving a child up" can make an adoptee feel like their birthparents gave up on them - not true - we give them a chance at a better life if we feel we can't provide a good life for them. And frankly I couldn't provide for my child - she had a better life when I place her with a family who wanted her - not that I didn't want her, I did with my whole heart, but I could not be a proper parent at the time. But anyway, yes, I am a birthmom.
    4time-mom

    Answer by 4time-mom at 12:02 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • "you shouldnt have given him away. he WAS your grandson. you should of left him and made sure you gave him a good life. if you have that feeling, imagine the feeling he will have one day"

    Knowing many people that have been adopted I can guarantee that the "feeling he will have one day" will be nothing but love and thankfulness for making a decision that was best for him.

    What an ignorant response to your question! I apologize for her if that hurt you in anyway (she is a very sad and depressed person so please don't let her drag you down).
    Sara.Robyson

    Answer by Sara.Robyson at 12:36 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • also, there is no reason to put grandson in quotations because he IS your grandson. Not to recongnise that is doing him a disservice. If at all possible see if you can have a semi open adoption with him. He needs to know his roots and heritage and that comes from you. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:32 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Thanks, I know he is very much wanted and loved.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 9:20 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I would have liked to have kept him and raised him myself. My dd gave me a flat out answer that if I did that, I would not see my dd again. I could not have given up child for another child. I was also diagnosed with cancer shortly after that, so I could not have cared for him as I would have liked.

    Joeygoat

    Answer by Joeygoat at 9:52 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • many of us that gave our children away, sorry 4time-mom that's exactly what we did, did so because we felt like we had no choice. I know 2 women from my birth parents support group that have reunited with their children that were concieved as a result of rape, and love them to death regardless. I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandchild. Adoption loss is a huge loss and very hard to deal with because there is no closure and unlike losing a child to death their is no sympathy and rallying round of the community. The fact that our children are alive and well doesn't help. Please see my journal post http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1317349/I_lost_my_child_to_adoption you'll see that your feelings of loss are common and that some people will never understand it.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:08 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • you shouldnt have given him away. he WAS your grandson. you should of left him and made sure you gave him a good life. if you have that feeling, imagine the feeling he will have one day.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:47 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

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