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2 Bumps

why can't my husband understand this? (vent)

my husband is so defensive that anything i get a little upset he starts a fight. i know why he is defensive, so i don't need help with that. some thing will happen like work will come up so he can't come home for dinner and i will get a little upset. i don't think that is unfair. i don't yell or anything. i just sound upset, and he will start going on about how we need the money and repeat stuff i know and understand. all he neededs to do is say sorry and let it go. 15 minutes later, i have put it behind me. i spend more time mad at him for what he says defending himself than the origianl thing that got me upset. i have tryed to tell him to just leave me alone for a few minuets and i will get over it but he still doesn't get it.

Answer Question

Asked by happy-go-lucky at 9:48 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,357 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I have no idea! Maybe my hubby and he were separated at birth!! Mine does the same thing, just let me vent for a sec and then it's done! lol


    Answer by shanlaree at 9:54 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • He most be my DH's lost twin! Mine rarely says he is sorry and really means it.

    God ahead and vent, it is GOOD for you.

    Hope the rest of the day is better for you.

    Answer by AdrianaS at 9:55 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • It should make him feel good,knowing that you would like him to be home, and that you miss him. I get that bummed tone when DH is coming home later. DO you sound more irritated or bummed out when these "fights" start?

    Answer by JGRIMMER at 10:00 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • This may not be what you want to hear but here is my take on it. Have you thought that maybe your husband needs you to be more supportive of him? Obviously, he can't help it when he has to work over. I am sure he would rather be at home, but instead he is having to make a phone call home to let you know that he will be home late. Instead of sounding mad or upset, how about you tell him that you understand and will save him a plate for dinner and to have a good evening and not work too hard. Once you get off the phone with him, you can then vent out your steam about him having to work over once again. It's a win-win situation. He gets the support that he needs and you get to come and vent about it on cafemom. Good Luck!


    Answer by JeremysMom at 10:00 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • i understand that. fighting fire with fire is stupid and drama causing. sorry

    Answer by MoMoFu at 10:05 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • He doesn't feel that he should have to apologize for working hard to support his family. He would feel better if you sounded fine with it. I know that it is natural to sound like you are feeling, but you want him to be happy, so say something such as aw I am sorry, but I'll see you when you get home, love you. Letting him know that you miss him but that you understand that it isn't his choice to stay there and that he'll have a loving welcome when he gets home.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:07 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • because he knows the coming home late is a problem, and as a man he wants to fix it, but it's his job and he can't and it annoys him.

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:13 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • the coming home late was an example. he does it with everything. if he accidently eats my candy bar he does it. all i have to say is where is my candy bar and he gets upset.

    Comment by happy-go-lucky (original poster) at 10:31 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

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