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How can I get my 16 year old to trust and respect me?

I have a question about my 16 y/o son.He has lived with my parents for almost a year saying that he can no longer live with his 14 y/o brother.(he has bipolar,adhd,o.d.d,conduct disorder...)I understood his need for a normal childhood.However,a few months ago his brother moved in with his father(same dad)andhe still didnt come home..Ive been patient but I really miss him,ive been very depressed lately b/c hes not here.(@ my parents house theres always lots of ppl there and my sister always has all 6 of her crying kids there,its not peaceful)when I asked him today he said"im fine where I am"..his dad told me the main reason was my behavior....mood swings,uncertain about how I will act...I admit that having to raise my 14 y/o has worn me out and maybe I havent reacted in the best of ways.I feel like I havent done something so terrible that he would rather live in that house vs his own,guilt is eating me alive,any advice please!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jul. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • You need to be worthy of trust and respect and you have to have treated him with trust and respect.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 11:31 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • Oh hun, I am so sorry. I have no advice, I'm sorry, but *hugs* . I will pray for you and maybe sitting down with your ds and letting him know that it's going to be easier with the yds being gone. Tell him you know that it was hard on him, living with all the different moods iin the house, but that things are getting better. Talk to him, go to counceling with him to work out the problems and pent up anger.
    I believe my yss is ODD and it says that it is the hardest "disease" for the family. I am so sorry you are going through this.
    marriedmomto5

    Answer by marriedmomto5 at 11:31 PM on Jul. 30, 2010

  • I do not know what advice to give other then this...s friend of mine, when her 19 yr old was 15 he was angry all the time, because there was just him and her, his siblings all had moved on....well these days he is a happy kid because all of his siblings are in and out once again and this time with kids in tow...he loves the activity..as most teenagers do..teenagers hate low key, they prefer active households. I understand that so my 17 yr olds is never home, my husband doesn't understand why..i ask him what are you going to do to entertain her? she is a teenager and needs to be where the activity is..
    So I didn't give you the answer you wanted maybe but I at least gave you an idea that it isn't you really but maybe it is the constant flow of people, it is what he likes..
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 12:04 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Your poor family! You and your son need family counseling to relearn communication.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:35 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Maybe you need to get some counseling for yourself and than get some family counseling for you and your son. There is a reason he doesn't trust you, you need to work on fixing that or he will never come back home. I also would not force him to come back home. That could do more harm than good. Trying going to visit him and taking him places just you and him. Make some for just him and no one else. Let him feel that he is still very important to you. Time alone and some good fun could do a world of good.
    lil_Army_Wife05

    Answer by lil_Army_Wife05 at 10:27 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

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