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4 Bumps

why is marriage so difficult??

am about to give up, i and my hubby are always urguing about almost everything. am so tired of trying to make things work, and am tired of living with someone who is sooo moody, seriously its like he has pms, can he really change? ok, we have my nephews visiting us, and am always on edge, hoping he doesnt snap at me or them, today all was well, he came home from work and took a nap with the baby(my doughter, 6 months). i woke him up two hrs later, he was still lying on bed and our doughter was awake, i left the room and went to the other room and the baby started crying.. then he shouts my name and goes like.. the baby is hungry!! i answered back with a" so what!!" that pissed him off, he became furious and took the baby and fed her.. he refused to drop us at the mall and said we could take the bus! we took the bus and when we got back home he is giving the silence treatment!! what should i do???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on Jul. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • Awwwww that's sucks. My DH can be very moody too. I think he has some form of bi polarness. He is not bi polar in the medical sense but that is the best way I can describe it. Anything worth having is never easy. If it was easy it wouldn't be worth having
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 2:31 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • first of all, yeah relationship will have their difficult moments, especially when you are close to one another.... like your spouse. Second of all, maybe your husband is struggling with depression? It really sounds like it just from that little bit you have told me. My husband is also struggling with depression.... he has since we met had ups and downs, but has always been somewhat depressed, sometimes it is worse. I think the best thing you can do is to find him some help. Maybe go to counseling together to work through some things.... and very importantly..... LISTEN to him when he talks. See what his hopes and dreams are. I also recommend reading the book "The Love Dare" Its life changing!!!
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:33 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Sounds to me that he needs to grow the hell up. Ask him what his problem. I would talk with him. I believe commiucation is really important in a relationship/marriage. It takes two to make a relationship/marriage work. Maybe his job is causing him alot of stress.GL to you all.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:50 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Men can't read our minds - as much as we like to think. So instead of shouting 'so what', maybe you should have just asked to feed the baby. Yeah, he was in a bad mood but sometimes it's better to just chill yourself out and ask nicely - even if he's a dick.

    I know my husband gets frustrated where there are extra kids at our house - even if it's family. All the noise and chaos stresses him out. Especially if he's been at work all day and home is suppose to be his stressfree, quiet place.
    I'm not saying he didn't act like a jerk but I think communication is important. And even not egging it on - even if it means to bite your tongue and just ASK him to feed the baby. Even a sincere, "babe, my hands are full. can you please feed the baby?" - I mean, that would work with my husband. He might act huffy but he'd do it. LOL
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 2:55 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • why would ou answer back so what???? to your daughter being hungey?
    a-boys-world

    Answer by a-boys-world at 2:58 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • @ blubini99, i totaly agree with you, but he really gets into my nerve when he says the baby is hungry, he is the babys father and its is as much his job to feed the baby as mine.. i never tell him" the baby is crying.." why is he telling me??? he acts like a kid and i think a stupid question deserves a stupid answer.. like the other day, i was in the kichen coocking and he was in the living room with the baby.. he wanted to go take a shower and was asking me if i was done cooking so that i would take the baby.. i told him, you go ahead i will come to the baby, he then said"" but what should i do with her??" and i answered him " throw her out in the backyard"" he did not like that answer.. well do u blame me?? why is he asking what to do with the baby, he knows very well we always put her on her chair, but he still asks that question?..
    ashley387

    Answer by ashley387 at 3:08 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • a-boy-world, my question to you is, why is he telling ME the baby is hungry, is that my responsibiliyt only?? i never tell him the baby needs to be fed, if the baby cries while she is with me, i go get the bootle and feed her, shouldnt he do the same?
    ashley387

    Answer by ashley387 at 3:11 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Are you SAHM and he works full-time? Maybe he's feeling stressed about work or finances and just needs a few minutes alone when he comes home. Or maybe he thinks you're home all day and should be helping more. I'm SAHM and hubby is full-time and I've lived what you're saying. My hubby hates to be bombarded by ANYONE when he comes home. He is in customer service and deals with a lot of jerks all day. I wait until he's ready to talk. Maybe have a special meal cooked and waiting for him when he gets home and after he's eaten ask if there's anything on his mind. Don't pressure. Kill him with kindness. As long as he's not being abusive to you or kids it can probably work itself out. GL
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 3:13 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • stop giving him answers that will just piss him off...next time he responds in a dumbass kind of way...walk up to him and kindly tell him what he should do next and smile then walk away...when a guy needs to do some growing up up they need a little guidance..if he doesn't like you kindly telling him the next move he should make then tell him if he cannot think for himself you will have to until he can do it on his own,,,this might open doors for further communication. Stop falling into his jerk-like ways and be the bigger person and put him in his place gently...soon he should come around.
    You catch more bees with sugar... so when he says "what should I do with the baby" walk up to him and ask him "what do you think you should do with the baby" and let him think about the right response..clearly he must have been coddled to long by his mother..or past gf..jmo
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 3:19 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • I also want to point out that when my husband tells me something our son needs...for instance our 5 yr old is in the shower and my husband who is in the recliner calls out to me our son is done taking a shower...I go to him and tell him I fully trust him to take our son out of the shower and can get him dressed...I also point out when the mood is calm that I am no longer a single parent and love to have his help that we are parents together and that we have to share the care giving,
    some guys it takes awhile to warm up to being parents,,and in the 7 yrs I have been with my husband the first 5 were the most trying...If I had a nickle for everytime I wanted to leave him I would be very rich!...marriage is all trial and error, learning and accepting eachother, growing to know eachother, it will get better....with proper communication
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 3:26 AM on Jul. 31, 2010

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