Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Is it wrong for a person to disown their family if their family is too toxicating to their life???

Its too long of a story to tell but my reasons are as follows:
Someone molested me
Someone neglected me as a child
Someone physically abused me
Someone murdered my siblings (abortions)
Someone never calls me, only out of guilt (if they hear it from others that i need some kind of help)
Someone doesnt call me her sister anymore

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Jul. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • molestation, neglect, abuse to me all sound like good reasons to disown.

    guilt tripped phone calls do not sound like a good reason to disown to me. And neither does just because she doesn't call you your sister any more.

    My mother was disowned and my aunt (the one who disowned her) now regrets her choice and really hates that she went 11 years without having any kind of relationship with her sister and her children. And it's caused problems between my aunt and us too. Especially me because i was named after her and hate it. My mom is dead now, btw.

    So, before you disown someone, just ...be careful.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 2:31 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • NOPE!! I disowned my family...including my mother some 6+ years ago (the rest of my extended family 10+ years ago)! Never been happier! I was never really that close to anyone in my family--so much so, that I felt that I was adopted--never fit in or felt welcomed!!

    I was never physically abused, but I was emotionally blackmailed, constantly lied to, emotionally neglected/pawned off on family and friends as a toddler/child, and when I confirmed all of these things, I decided at the age of 35, that I didn't need the drama, and I didn't need such mean and spiteful people in my life!!

    Fortunately I have a fabulous husband, beautiful children, and managed to carve out a nice little niche for myself. My children and I have all we need in my husband's family, who are the complete opposite of mine! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 2:35 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • I let it go do not feel bad.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:35 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • The molestation and physical abuse I could see people disowning others for. The other reasons however, I would put a long amount of time into thinking on that. While not right, those look like mistakes made by people that could have been having a hard time in life and just didn't know any other way. Certainly forgivable if they've made some effort IMO.

    I have family that I do not speak to at all, and I have family that I just tend to keep a distance from. Check in once in a while but don't go out of my way to socialize with. It's a happy medium. :) Good luck.
    Jessica157

    Answer by Jessica157 at 2:37 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Walk away.. It is not wrong, your life will only improve if you remove toxic people from your life. I did and i will tell you that i feel much better now that i have. I suggest some counseling to help you through it.. Be the better person and just walk on... move forward with your life..
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 2:37 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • In a word...No. Of course not. Just because you are related by blood does not mean that you have a "relationship". By that I mean a reciprocol, need-meeting energy system. A give and take. A friendship - where I LIKE you, and you LIKE me, and we have commonalities, and we get along. I don't know you'd have to go so far as to make some public declaration of disownership, but just not associating with people that drain you of time, energy, self esteem and emotional output is not only not wrong...it's the healthy choice.
    mommyx9

    Answer by mommyx9 at 2:38 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Sounds like plenty of good reasons to disown someone. My DH has disowned his aunt and her daughters. They are freaking psychotic and not good people to be around.

    PoisonousBlonde

    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 2:38 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • I would never go so far as disowning my family. You can, however, choose not to spend time with them. You can choose not to chase after them, trying to get them to even act like family. But if they are sick or in need, I think you should be willing to help them out mainly because you have absolutely no way of knowing that the day won't come when you will need some kind of help that only they are able to give. So it's better not to burn your bridges--just don't travel them as often as you might otherwise.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:41 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • I would never associate with friends/family if they harmed me, disrespected me enough to cause me emotional or physical pain, etc. Your reasons are valid to have no contact with those people. I think you should seperate yourself from those people, so that you can move on and have a happy life. Never involve yourself with people who don't make you happy, who don't bring comfort and love into your life, who aren't good for you.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 2:43 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • I walked away from my family. My sister stole my identity and my family covered it up to protect her. As for the abortion...you never know someone's reason and it is not murder according the law. That being said...do you really want more siblinsg going through what you have been through?
    Mom2Just1

    Answer by Mom2Just1 at 2:44 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN