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4 Bumps

How do I help my teenage daughter through breakup with her first serious boyfriend?

My daughter is crazy about her boyfriend and lately he has been pulling back from their relationship. He says he needs "space". We all know what that means. He also changed his facebook picture from one that included them both, to one of just himself. I really have the feeling he is going to dump her. She is a very emotional person and she really loves this young man. They have been dating about a year and he has become close to our whole family, so it will be hard for us too, but I need to know how to handle this if and when it happens. She will blame herself, I know, and we have been through some emotional times with two deaths in the family and a family member who committed suicide, so I need to handle things gently with her if he does break up with her. I hate to say it is going to happen, but I need to be prepared. It will be very difficult for her to have another loss in her life. Advice?

Answer Question

Asked by neebug3766 at 4:15 PM on Jul. 31, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (4,587 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I wish i had advice.
    Sadly, i wasn't as close to my mom as you and your daughter sound. So i don't have anything to say. But here's a bump.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 4:17 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Well, I remember when my boyfriend and I broke up when I was a teen, I needed space too. Just offer your support, give her a little "pep talk" (plenty of fish in the sea, not meant to be, you will get through this, etc), and some good old Ben and Jerrys. Maybe a girl's night out (or in) with a movie (comedy! no chick flicks!), some popcorn, some quizzes from a magazine, a new outfit..... or let her go out with her friends to do this and have a sleepover.

    Answer by serioussifL at 4:19 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • when i had my first serious break up, my mom took me to dye my hair and get it cut, took me shopping for some new clothes, and paid for my vacation to florida. i was 18 almost 19 so i went to visit a friend out there. i dont know your money situation so it might be hard for you to afford all of that, but whatever you can afford... retail therapy works wonders! you have a new hair style and some new clothes and get away for alittle bit, and you feel like a new women.
    you can be there for her for hugs and talking and things like that, and it doesnt help alittle... but honestly, for me, it never helped much. no matter how many times someone said youll meet someone better, it didnt make me feel better, it actually made me feel worse because i was just like no.. i dont want to meet someone better, i want him, so stop saying that.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 4:19 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Hopefully you haven't been too involoved with their relationship, that being said she can't blame you and will be more open for your support. Talk to her, tell her that you are there for her ANYTIME that she needs you, and make sure you are available when she needs you, unless of course you are at work. But it usually happens to be around midnight or later it seems, then all of a sudden they need you to listen. Try not to talk too much, let her do the talking and only answer what questions she asks you, try not to give your opinion. Been there. GL. It is never easy it breaks your heart too.

    Answer by QandA at 4:20 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Also, if she doesnt already keep one, give her a journal to write her thoughts in. Writing is great therapy too.

    Answer by serioussifL at 4:20 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • All you can do is be there for her, and comfort her as much as you can, but you can't take the pain away, don't you miss those days where a kiss and a band aid would do?

    Answer by older at 4:20 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Just be there for her. I hope she talks to you about her feelings. Do things with her especially if she wants to be alone a lot. Keep her busy. Hopefully she also has friends who will help her through it. First love is a relationship she will remember for the rest of her life, as you know. You are such a great mom to be prepared to help her.

    Answer by elizabr at 4:21 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • bumped ya!

    Answer by older at 4:21 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Thank you all. I appreciate your advice. I will heed it if he breaks up with her. Thanks again!

    Comment by neebug3766 (original poster) at 4:23 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Hot cococa and a shoulder to cry on and no I told u so`s just listen and be there for her

    Answer by butterflysmom at 5:48 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

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