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Who wants em?

I've got a lot and will only be on for a bit. If you want some credits, post something funny. :)

 
LovingSAHMommy

Asked by LovingSAHMommy at 8:36 PM on Jul. 31, 2010 in Crazy for Credits

Level 40 (115,957 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)

  • What are you laughing at?!

    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:16 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Thanks, I've been trying to find the humor in life since my hubby came in & told me today that he quit his job, I'm also a SAHM so....
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:43 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I’ve ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?” The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wife’s first husband.”

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:44 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

    The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:38 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.
    The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
    "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
    The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car.
    "It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
    The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:40 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

    "Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:40 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • A lawyer, an economist, and a teacher were going to the bathroom. The lawyer gets done, washes his hands, and then proceeds to use almost the entire roll of paper towels to dry his hands. He says "I was taught to be thorough." The economist gets done, washes his hands, but uses only one paper towel. He says "I was taught to be environmentally friendly." The teacher gets done and leaves without washing his hands. He says "I was taught not to piss on my hands."

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before: MENtal illness MENstrual cramps MENtal breakdown MENopause GUYnecologist And when we have REAL trouble, it's a... HISterectomy Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Q. What is the definition of a perfect lover?
    A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:42 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

  • Meaning of... 'potentially' and 'realistically'


    A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
    difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

    The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother
    if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask
    your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars,
    and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million
    dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

    So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
    Pitt for a million dollars?"

    The mother replied, "Of course, I would! We could really use that
    money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great university!"

    The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
    Pitt for a million dollars?"

    The girl replied, "Oh, good
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:46 PM on Jul. 31, 2010

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