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How do I tell my Fiancee' he's too strict?

I have one daughter who is 5 and he has one son and daughter ( 12 and 10). We have been together now for 2 years and everything has been great between us. My only problem is that he seems to be too strict with his children. The oldest did go through a rebellious streak recently, but my fiancee' has clamped down a lot, and it seems the kids get punished for almost every little thing they do wrong! I am worried he is stifling them by being this way and that they will rebel more. In fact he used to be the opposite, very relaxed, so I am not sure what changed. Do men go through some life crisis that makes them change suddenly (he just turned 29). I am just worried about the kids, and I don't want to come off that I am telling him how to raise his kids, but what should I say?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:16 PM on Oct. 3, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • Maybe he was playing nice in front of you? Usually Dads will get stricter with reasons! Are there any new things that he recently found out about? maybe he is trying to prevent the teen age yrs ansgt. I would just sit him down some evening and talk about it, not after he has had an issue, but on a relaxed evening. Just bring up the subject that you noticed he is clamping down a little more with the kids?! You need to talk about it, it might be a age things with his kids, like they are older now, so he is more worried? Talk now... big problems arrive from people with two completely different parenting styles unless you can talk about it.
    men usually get a little more stressed when daughters hit that age that they remember doing what to you know who's daughter. :)
    MikkiB

    Answer by MikkiB at 8:44 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • I would sit down on a calm night and talk to him about it especially if your planning on marrying this guy. Talk to him and let him know your concerned and why ask him if something happened you don't know about. then suggest that maybe you come up with House rules that are approperate for all the kids talk about being consistant and even mention that kids need to learn the skills to police themselves if they always have someone controling everything they never learn how to make mistakes, accept responsibility or handle problems
    tocreatefire

    Answer by tocreatefire at 9:16 PM on Oct. 3, 2008

  • Suggest a book called "what kids need most in a dad". There are also other good books if he will read--"how to listen so they will talk" (something like that:-) "Age of Opportunity"--is also good. There are a lot.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:57 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • You've gotten a lot of good answers so far. My concern shifts to your daughter. She's only five, but when she's older how are you going to feel when he treats her that way? Please be careful. We have a blended family and my husband and I both work very hard everyday to make sure the kids are all treated equal. This may not be a popular suggestion, but try reading a few Dr. Laura books. While I don't agree with everything she says, she will definitely open your eyes to a another side of the situation which will help you as you move forward with this marriage.
    bdotmom

    Answer by bdotmom at 10:29 AM on Oct. 4, 2008

  • How does he punish his kids, if you don't mind me asking?
    surobb

    Answer by surobb at 5:40 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • He doesn't punish them by doing anything cruel. Mostly sending them to their room, grounding them, taking away privliges, having them do extra chores. He never yells at them, just gets into his stern voice. They are good kids, but generally tend to be sneaky and disobedient regardless of how many times you may punish them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:57 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • When they were younger he says he made his point by spanking, but obviously as they got older that method no longer worked. They have had a stable life by most standards. He has always had them, their mom left when they were very little, so they have not had a mothering influence in their lives ever, which leads me to wonder if this could be the reason for acting out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

  • If you plan to get married, then you NEED to discuss this NOW. Discuss your feelings, discuss how you will both parent when married. You need to be on the same page as far as this goes, or the marriage WON'T work. He may think you are jealous of his kids. Anyone would pick their kids over a partner. Are you? If you are sincerely concerned, than talk to him soon. Best of luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 PM on Oct. 6, 2008

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