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are these problems insurmountable it possible for us to still have a happy life together?

first off, let me tell you a little about my DH
he is honest to a fault (ex. he would never tell me any absolutes because most of the time they are not true, like you always make me laugh...he tells me you make me laugh most of the time, which i think is cute)
he is faithful
he always tells me that he loves me everyday
he doesn't drink really unless it's social but still not often and he doesn't do drugs
he has goals and is working towards them

the problems are:
he has ulcerative colitis which is a horrible illness even with meds, because it affects your life daily-this causes a lot of problems. it makes him tired all of the time especially if he is in the middle of a flare up and he never wants to do anything, go any where or be around anybody. and if i can get him to go anywhere he is usually not too fun to be around. just really quiet and pretty unresponsive
he also has severe social anxiety, he has meds for that

Answer Question

Asked by pmg1030 at 9:21 AM on Aug. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • since he gets cranky because he is tired and has to be around a lot of people when i finally get him out of the house, it's not very fun to even go out :(
    i am a social butterfly pretty much and i love going out and doing things and trying new things and meeting new people and i believe that if he didn't have his illnesses he would like to go out and would actually enjoy going out more often but all he really wants to do is stay at home all the time& i get bored
    another problem is that me and his mom are pretty much not talking right now and have not seen eye to eye since we got married, that used to be a huge problem for us but now it is only minor because i'm the only one who feels bad about it but any time i attempt to have even a small relationship with her, she demands so much more than i am willing to give
    my DH is my best friend though. i still love talking to him, being with him at home and love him, but is it enough?

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 9:29 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Yes, I think it can be enough. Do what I do, get out and have fun with your girlfriends and kids. If you love talking to him and being at home with him then that is half the battle. But you must make time outside of that house and getting together with friends will help you. Good luck:)

    Answer by shanlaree at 9:34 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I think if you two are happy and in love then it is enough. My husband and I do everything together but I know a lot of couples who live separate social lives. I have an aunt who is very religious and my uncle is not very religious, they do separate things. My uncle fishes a lot and my aunt does church things, they spend time together at home. As long as he is not resentful if you go out on your own, then you should be fine. Good luck.


    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 9:37 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • one thing you have to remember and keep in the back of your mind is your husband is in alot of pain. not only is he in alot of pain but the medications can make him feel drained as well. pain meds can make you feel sluggish, dizzy, and have no interest in things. and depressants can do that too. my DH has PTSD and for a while was on depressants for his social anxiety and they made him tired and have no interest in anything. they also seemed to make him very iritable. you have to be paitent and understanding he is dealing with a horrible and painful disease. for you own happiness i would start offering inventations to him like about going tothe park or a party and if he doesnt want to then just go by yourself. get involved with some support groups for families with ulcertive colitis that may help out alot. and dont worry about the MIL sometimes you will never be able to please them or get their approval.

    Answer by laura970 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I have a hubby who also has social anxiety. I think it's worse for people who have some sort of on-going health problem (as my husband also has, kidney failure). So I understand how you feel because I am also a social butterfly. BUT yes you can lead a happy life, we do. I have just accepted him the way he is...and he accepts me the way I am. For example, my best friend got married last night, I helped her with most of her wedding and was also in the wedding. I know it was really hard for him to come to the wedding alone. i know he didn't want to, but he did it. At the reception, he didn't want to get up from our table, and that's fine too. If he is comfortable there then that's his decision. He knows I'm going to be up and around talking and socializing. Maybe you should talk to your hubby, and let him know how you feel, and that you understand how he feels, and you want him to understand how you are as well. cont.


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • He's going to....have to be in some awkward (by his standards) situations for you sometimes. And you'll have to put up with the tiredness and the moods and make the best of it sometimes. My husband is constantly tired, and you just gotta work around it. I know it sucks sometimes and believe me, I have my days were I just want to run out and scream that this is crap. Maybe you also need a bit of a break from it every now and then too? Maybe a night with your girlfriends every now and then, something calm...dinner and a movie, just to help you tame your social self.

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 9:38 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I had a cousin who had a DH with health problems. Sometimes he attended get togethers with her, sometimes he didn't. He insisted she go to as many functions as she wanted. She was devoted to him and best freinds as well.

    You are best friends, love talking to each other, and love each other. Sounds wonderful to me and will mean more the older you get. But only you can decide if it is enough. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by elizabr at 9:42 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • You have the basis for a good marriage, nobody is perfect, you take the good with the bad, and make the best of it.

    Answer by older at 9:57 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • He is your best friend and honest and FAITHFUL. What more could any woman want??? You are very fortunate. (My DH was none of those and now he is my EX.) Be grateful. I sympathize with his health problems and also feel for him as I am a little socially anxious too. Just don't get so hung up on the having a good time and partying...that is so unimportant in an adult life,an adult relationship actually. Friends and family are most important and you are a lucky girl.

    Answer by gertie41 at 10:01 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Sounds like you really can not understand being sick. Perhaps you need some therapy to deal with this>? I would also ask you has your husband gone to a specialist? I have to say I love specialists in medicine, they know their stuff and they really can make a huge difference in the quality of life. If he has seen one try another one. Nothing is wrong with a second opinion. Good luck.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:22 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

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