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What should I do now, I feel like such an idiot for making this decision...

It's been 3 weeks me and my SO have a huge fight over his mother, who always does things w/o considering others feelings..I'm used to that but when she hurt my daughter and my SO accepted it that is when I blew up. Mind before this we were doing great. I recently decided to go p/t with his full support so that I can finish school. But now that this has occurred we are both very angry and basically told me that I'm on my own that I better figure something out because he will be leaving very soon. Now this is about the 2nd time he does this to me and the last time I dropped all my classes, but when I did that he felt terrible and apologized. Now feel that I will have to drp my classes and find another job. I am so hurt and angry because he feels that he always has the upper hand. All I wanted is for him to see my point. He wants me to accept his mother's action and I finally had with her I no longer want anything to do with her.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Aug. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • I can't answer that without knowing what she did.
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:44 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I don't know what you mean by "hurt my daughter" but any kind of physical abuse should be a deal-breaker. I would leave immediately if he was letting his mother abuse your child. Good luck to you.
    FelipesMom

    Answer by FelipesMom at 10:44 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Threatening to leave is bullying, and childish. You need to talk to him (calmly) about the situation with his mother and find some sort of middle ground. He needs to stop turning your life upside down when he gets angry with you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:45 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I'm a very stubborn person so if it was me. I wouldn't drop everything for his hissy fit. I would figure it out on my own (I have before). He wouldn't bully me into changing my life because he is being a baby!!
    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 10:49 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • Frankly, I think you need to end this relationship. It sounds like he wants you to be dependent and always agree with him. That's not healthy for you.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 10:49 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • you know, scuba has a good point. his threatening IS bullying, and I personally would put it in the same box as abuse. I was already thinking about the chances that he is or will be abusive if his mother is abusive AND he sees her abuse of your daughter as acceptable. I would seek out resources for victims of domestic violence in your community - even if you don't feel like a battered woman exactly, they would also be able to offer help for you to leave him, and information about whether or not his behavior (and your MIL's) is considered abuse.
    FelipesMom

    Answer by FelipesMom at 10:52 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • My daughter had asked her grandma to give her a bday party and she agreed. She reached out to both me and my SO to see what we were planning. I told her that we had a lot going on and that what ever she needed we would take care of, she was insistent that her son call to make solid plans. He never got back to her because he said I was already making arrangements with her. So she cancels the party a day before. My daughter was really upset...her reason is that she did not feel ready and that her relatives would not be able to come and my daughter would feel sad. However her sister was giving her kids a party the same day and she wanted to take my DD and postpone the party. I suggested why don't we just do something among us and that was not an option. At first my SO was really angry and told her off, but a wk later she through party and my SO and DD both attended & I flipped out. He is offended that I flipped out in front of DD
    jenlesly

    Answer by jenlesly at 10:57 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • OP, it sounds like you and your SO dropped the ball on the party and left his mom hanging high and dry without any plans. He said you were making plans with her and didn't call when asked, and you didn't pick up the slack and make the plans either. if i were her, I would have postponed the party too.

    But I agree with Scuba, he needs to stop making such a big deal out of things like this and making your life a hell when he gets angry. He's a bully and needs to stop.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:04 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • I do feel as though as he is bullying me and that he is going to regret this....what hurts the most is my decision that I made I trusted him and made that decision. His mother has always been a problem in the past she does and he always says he can not choose b/w me and her. All I ask is for him to put her in her place when she is does something wrong, but he says she's not going to change. I have1 yr left to complete my BA. I started a new position that is really hard even though I'm p/t so it's stressful on top of this crap that is going on.
    jenlesly

    Answer by jenlesly at 11:05 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

  • In regards to the party there was not much that she was asking for a cake and beer she just want to comfortable making the plan with me. My SO was there the whole time I was making the plans with her he just didn't want to get involved. We weren't really wanting her to make this party my daughter asked her to do it. We were going away for my daughter's party on a trip and were preoccupied with school and work.
    jenlesly

    Answer by jenlesly at 11:09 AM on Aug. 1, 2010

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